Paradise
by JLWinter
Summary: The history that rivals any love story ever published - Esme's story. The tale of her struggles as a newborn, her friendship with Edward, and an infatuation with a certain Doctor Carlisle Cullen that transformed into an everlasting love.
1. Falling

**Welcome all. _Paradise_ is the story of Esme's first year or so as a vampire. It details her friendship with Edward, her struggle to control her newborn instincts, and of course, her blooming love for Doctor Carlisle Cullen. I hope you enjoy these chapters as you read on. Reviews are always appreciated. **

***The Twilight Saga and all its characters belong to the lovely Mrs. Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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><p><strong>Chapter One:<strong>

**Falling**

The summer months were tiring for a farmer's daughter, especially if she didn't have any brothers. While they had plenty of hired help on the fields, Mr. Platt still pulled his daughter out of school to have one more set of hands helping out.

Esme Platt was reluctant to work in the fields with her father, but it was better than staying inside all day in the kitchen like her mother, or inside the school house like her friends. She was more at home outside surrounded by nature, and by the end of the summer, she was usually sunburned and dirty.

When her father dismissed her from the fields for the day, she ran home to eat supper before venturing back outside and disappearing inside her imagination.

On a day like today, when the weather was warm and the sun was setting, she slipped out the back door and wandered down to the empty fields by the river, the grass reaching her waist after being untended for so long.

The earth was cool beneath her bare feet, her hands sweeping gently across the grass as she wandered through the field, the sun in her eyes as she watched it sink towards the horizon.

She imagined walking forever, never returning to her home, doing as she pleased and forgetting her worries about her daily life.

_Yes, _she thought with a smile, _I could stay out here forever._

The fields were her escape from everyday life, where she could come to after she finished her daily chores in order to lose herself in a world of fantasy. She had imagined being an explorer and travelling every inch of the green sea, discovering hidden treasures that others had lost amidst their journeys.

The landscape seemed to go on forever at this time of day, and it seemed like she was the only one left in the world. But that was all right, if she was the last person on earth, all she needed was her imagination to keep her company.

She wandered to the lone tree that stood in the middle of the grassland and sat down, leaning back against the rough bark. She looked out onto the landscape, her parents' voices echoing in her head.

"_A young lady should not be outside getting dirty, she should be inside, tending to the house." _Her mother always seemed to say.

"_What good will it do to dwell on daydreams?" _Her father always asked her. _"A sensible young woman should be focusing on the tasks at hand, not losing herself in frivolous daydreams."_

Esme sighed, feeling a strange urge to disappear completely. She stood and looked up at the large tree, its branches looked sturdy enough.

Without a second thought, she grabbed hold of a branch and hoisted herself up, not caring about the consequences she would face when she got home.

With each branch she climbed, she felt more and more free. Esme hadn't had much fun in the short sixteen years she had been on earth, and she savoured every enjoyable moment like it was a drug keeping her alive.

Higher and higher she went, until she could climb no more. She perched on the highest branch that could accompany her weight and sat back, looking out onto the land around her.

Now, she could see much more than the never-ending grass – she could see the river in the distance, the sun reflecting off the water so it looked not only blue, but yellow, orange, and red as well. She could also see the trees that lined the field, ranging from short and tall, bushy and lanky.

"Miss Platt?" The voice startled her, and she grabbed hold of another branch to aide her balance. She looked down to see one of her father's helpers looking up at her, his hand above his brow to shield his eyes from the sun as he looked up. He smirked when he saw that he startled her. "Sorry, but don't you think your parents would have a fit if they saw you up there?"

"I'm sure they would Liam," she sighed at the boy. He was a few years younger than her, but he was already taller. His hair was matted down under his newsboy cap, his shirt untucked at the back and his hands and face smeared with dirt. "But, they're not here, are they?"

"No, they're not." He nodded, agreeing. "But I could just as well go fetch them, couldn't I?"

Her eyes narrowed. "I hardly think you would do that to a friend."

Liam shrugged and gave a goofy grin. "You never know." He turned slightly as if going to venture back to the house.

"All right, all right, I'm coming down." She said in annoyance. "Thank you so much for ruining my fun." She added sarcastically.

"It was my pleasure." He bowed his head teasingly.

She stood shakily, the branch swaying slightly. She eased herself down one branch at a time until she was almost touching the ground...and then she stepped on a branch that was too small, and it snapped under the weight, sending her hurtling towards the ground. She didn't even have time to scream before she hit the ground. She heard a sickening snap before pain shot from her ankle to her knee, her leg lying in an odd position under her body.

"Esme!" Liam shouted, running over to her. He kneeled down at her side, blocking her view of the field as she slipped into darkness.

When she woke, she was seated in the car beside her mother who was frantically dabbing her forehead with a wet cloth.

"What...?" Esme asked, feeling disoriented. Her leg hurt badly, and her hand shot out to clutch her shin, only making it hurt more.

"You broke your leg, darling." Her father sighed. "What were you doing climbing trees?"

Esme opened her mouth to explain, but realized that her reason would not earn her any less scolding. "I'm not sure." She said instead.

Her parent's sighed in frustration.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

"The town doctor is away, so we're going to the hospital in Columbus." Her mother explained. "We'll be there shortly."

"How long was I unconscious for?" She asked, wondering how much time it had taken Liam to bring her up to the house while the housekeeper called for a doctor.

"About ten minutes," her father answered.

The rest of the car ride was silent, save for Esme's occasional gasps of pain.

About half an hour later, they arrived at the hospital in Columbus. The sun had dipped past the horizon, and only offered them a faint light as they made their way through the front doors and seated themselves in the waiting room.

The hospital wasn't busy this time of night, and the only people in the room besides Esme and her family were an old man, and a young boy with his family.

A young nurse walked around the corner, glancing down at her clip board before turning her attention on Esme, smiling slightly.

"Miss Platt, Doctor Reese will see you now," she said, turning slightly in the direction of the double doors at the end of the room.

Just as Esme was about to get up, a man ran around the corner, carrying a little girl in his arms, her face was a strange shade of blue. Hearing his approach, the nurse turned to face him, asking him what had happened.

"Sophie was playing with her toys when she accidently swallowed her doll's hairbrush." He said frantically. The girl looked to be crying, but no noise was coming out. Esme was frozen where she stood, unable to tear her gaze from the little girl.

"I'm sorry," the nurse apologized to Esme. "You'll have to wait a little longer. This problem is more severe."

The man and his daughter were quickly ushered through the doors, disappearing out of sight. Esme sighed and sat back down.

She hoped the little girl would be all right. It pained her to think that she would not make it, that she would pass because of lack of oxygen. Esme shuddered – no child deserved that.

Her leg throbbed as the minutes passed, and she started to worry that no one would ever tend to her leg. What if all the doctors were busy and she would be forced to wait the entire night? It was foolish to think that, but Esme's mind was in a state of worry at the moment, and she couldn't help the negative tone of her thoughts.

Finally, just when Esme was about to give up hope, she heard footsteps padding softly across the carpet. She looked up as a doctor walked around the corner, and she could have sworn that her heart skipped a beat.


	2. The Angel

**Chapter Two:**

**The Angel**

Esme was unable to tear her gaze from the young doctor who had walked around the corner. His skin was as pale as moonlight, his hair as golden as sunshine. All his features were perfect and angular. His lips were pulled down in an endearing pout as he read over the papers in his hands, his eyebrows furrowed slightly. Esme had just laid eyes on him, but he was already the most handsome man she had ever seen.

"Miss Platt?" He asked in the loveliest voice she had ever heard. She could only stare. "Follow me."

Esme got up, staggering slightly as she followed the doctor through the doors, most of her weight supported by her father as he half carried her into the other room, setting her down on one of the cots.

"Your mother and I will be waiting in the lobby," her father told her quietly before he gave the doctor a quick nod, ducking out of the room.

Esme sighed as she watched the doctor pull up a chair and sit down, glancing over the papers again.

"Esme, is it?" He asked, his eyes on the files in front of him.

"Y-yes," she stuttered, her eyes focused on his face. Their eyes met when he looked up at her, and she gasped quietly. His eyes were a beautiful butterscotch colour. He couldn't have been real, he was too perfect. He must have been her guardian angel. God must have sent him after he saw that no other doctors were available to treat her leg.

"I'm Doctor Cullen," he introduced himself. "I apologize that we met on such unpleasant circumstances." He said sadly, nodding to her leg.

Esme couldn't reply; she was too busy drinking in the sound of his voice, committing it to memory so she could spend the rest of her days repeating it in her mind.

"May I?" He asked, his hands reaching towards her leg.

"Oh, of course," She replied, waiting for his hands to connect with her skin.

Her eyes were fixed on his perfect hands as he carefully touched her shin, glancing up at her to make sure it was all right. She nodded slightly and both his hands clutched her leg. She suppressed a gasp; his hands were ice cold. He lifted her leg so it rested on his knees and carefully probed around, searching for the break.

"So, how did you acquire this injury?" He asked, obviously trying to distract her.

"I was climbing a tree, and I fell." She sighed, smiling sheepishly. She waited for the doctor to chastise her, but his lips turned up into a faint smile. If his expression was enough to increase her heartbeat, she wondered how her heart would react if the doctor grinned.

"Girls your age don't usually climb trees." He said matter-of-factly.

"Well, I don't usually act my age." She admitted, wincing when Doctor Cullen's fingers found the break.

"Forgive me," he murmured before his hands grasped her leg.

She tensed, waiting. When he set the bone, she let out an unexpected cry of pain. She hadn't expected it to hurt as much as it did and much to her disappointment, tears fell down her cheeks, falling into her lap. She let out another whimper as he shifted, reaching for a bandage to wrap her leg in.

She looked down at her leg, pleased to see that it was no longer crooked.

"You fixed it," she smiled through her tears. He didn't reply, but his smile made her heart skip a beat. His teeth were all perfect and as white as pearls.

He wrapped her leg carefully; securing the bandage tightly before gently placing her leg back on the ground.

"There," he said. "Good as new."

"Thank you," she smiled sincerely.

"Think nothing of it," he smiled. "That's my job."

She smiled down at Doctor Cullen. His smile was breathtaking. He was _too _perfect, and for a moment, that frightened her. No one was this perfect without having a flaw.

"Did you always want to be a doctor?" She asked him, not wanting to return to her parents just yet.

"No," he answered, his expression becoming thoughtful. "I was originally supposed to been working in a different profession – my father had certain plans for me. It was only years later that I found my calling."

"You enjoy helping people." She assumed.

"Immensely," he smiled. "Sometimes, this is the only thing that gets me through the day..." He trailed off, his eyes becoming distant. Eventually he spoke again. "I believe we've kept your family waiting long enough."

"Oh," Esme had all but forgotten about her parents by that time, she was too preoccupied with the handsome doctor before her. "Yes, I suppose I should let them know I'm all right."

Doctor Cullen helped her down, steadying her before backing away slightly. He called for a nurse to go and get Esme's father. He seemed distracted by something, his eyes drifted every so often before he could pull himself back to the present. Esme wondered what kind of thoughts drifted through his mind. Were they as perfect as he looked?

"Will I ever see you again?" Esme asked him, pulling him out of his reverie.

"Hmm?" He asked. "Oh, I'm sorry," his lips turned down into a frown as he realized what she had asked. "This is my last week at the hospital. I'm afraid the chances of us meeting again are slim."

"If you don't mind my asking, where are you moving to?" She asked, wondering if he was an angel after all, returning to Heaven after his week on earth came to a close.

"Chicago," he answered.

"That far?" She asked, surprised that he had chosen to move that far away. Esme had never been outside the state of Ohio, let alone a few cities away. "Well, I'm glad I met you before you left."

"Likewise," He smiled.

Esme bit her lip, gazing at Doctor Cullen, memorizing his face. "Have fun in Chicago, Doctor Cullen." She smiled.

"No more climbing trees." He smiled slightly before his expression turned serious again. "Please, stay safe, Esme."

She looked up at him in wonder and awe, gazing into his butterscotch eyes. He had taken a few steps towards her and now he was only a few inches away. She could have touched him had she extended her hand.

"Promise me you won't get involved in anything that will hurt you." He said sincerely.

"I promise," she breathed. His eyes held hers in an unbreakable gaze.

Esme's father walked into the room then and put his arm around her waist, supporting her weight. He thanked Doctor Cullen quietly.

"Have a good evening, Esme." Doctor Cullen gave a half-hearted smile before his eyes flickered to the door. He reached out and turned the knob, opening the door for them.

"Goodbye, Doctor Cullen." She smiled again before they turned away; walking back in the direction her father had just come.

Esme didn't dare look back at the angel she had just met, in fear that her heart would shatter.

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><p><strong>I've been working on this story for about a month now and I've finished the first five or so chapters. I plan to update everyday this week and then I'll settle into a once a week update. I hope I did their first meeting justice. It would be lovely if you took the time to review and told me what you thought - reviews always make my day. <strong>


	3. Deceived

**Chapter Three:**

**Deceived**

The mysterious Doctor Cullen had plagued Esme's thoughts ever since she had left the hospital on that summer evening. It was impossible to suppress the urge to imagine his face, or listen to the memory of his voice. It was foolish of Esme to think of him so often, unhealthy even, as she knew that she would never see him again, and that she had to carry on with her life because he surely had.

For years, it had been Doctor Cullen who she had wanted to see at the end of the aisle on her wedding day, it was Doctor Cullen who she wanted to wake up beside every morning and lay down beside every evening. She wanted him to be the man she would spend the rest of her life with...but time had proved to her that her fantasy would not come true.

For six years, she had waited for the moment where they would meet again and instantly fall in love, the moment where she would look into his beautiful butterscotch eyes and her heart would skip a beat at his stunning smile...but that had never happened, and Esme had began to lose hope.

When she had turned twenty, her parents began pressuring her to find a husband, many of her friends had gotten married all ready. Her father would introduce her to many men, but none of them could ever measure up to the kind doctor she had met when she was sixteen...and Esme knew that she would never meet anyone like him.

She had put off finding a husband for as long as she could, until her parents had finally put their foot down, and brought home another man nearly every night.

Esme had denied each and every one of them...until one night when she had finally had enough.

Her father had brought home a handsome man by the name of Charles Evenson. He had russet coloured hair and dark eyes and was a reserved gentleman who had shown great interest in Esme.

Their courtship had been short, and Esme had agreed to marry him to make her parents happy. Still, she could not forget about Doctor Cullen, and she was sure that she would never be able to. She would marry Charles, but she did not love him, and she feared that she never would.

The day of their wedding should have been joyous and blissful, but as Esme stared at her reflection in the mirror, she was filled with sadness. She would soon belong to a man that she did not love.

Her mother spoke happily, and told of her own wedding day, but Esme wasn't listening. She could only think about Doctor Cullen.

Her father escorted her down the aisle, and she had wanted to turn and run in the opposite direction.

Charles looked handsome and delighted as he watched her walk towards him, his smile brightening.

The ceremony went by quickly, and soon, the minister was saying his final sentences.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," the minister smiled, and Esme had wanted to die for she did not want to be married to this man. She had wanted to be tied to Doctor Cullen and no one else.

Esme kissed Charles reluctantly and slipped her arm through the crook of his as they walked back down the aisle, her friends and family smiling joyously as they watched her. She had placed a fake smile on her face and pretended to be ecstatic...but she was dying inside.

After her friends and family had said their goodbyes and retired for the evening, she was finally alone with Charles in their new house, the house she would be sharing with him for the rest of her life...

Charles turned to her and smiled. He didn't reach out and take her hands in his, he didn't kiss her, he didn't even approach her, he just stared...and as the minutes dragged on, Esme grew increasingly uncomfortable. His smile held something in it, and the expression terrified her.

When she was about to turn away, Charles caught her arm, squeezing it a little too tightly.

Esme winced. "Ouch, Charles, you're hurting me." But he didn't loosen his grip, instead, he tightened it. "Charles." She said slowly.

He took a step forward and Esme felt herself step back, away from him. His presence was no longer reserved and gentle, but frightening and cruel. She realized that he had deceived her. He was not the gentleman who she had met a few months before. She felt tears sting her eyes as the realization washed over her. Was she cursed to be unhappy all her life?

"Charles." She said again, this time with more force. She kept stepping back as he stepped towards her, but soon she had her back against the wall and she had nowhere to escape. He took her other arm in the same numbing grip. "Charles! What are you doing?" She yelled.

He took another step forward, and she screamed.

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><p><strong>I think we're all in agreement that we hate seeing Esme being treated like that :( I know, trust me, I didn't enjoy having to do that, but I felt as though I needed to show the contrast between her life with Charles and her eventually happy life with Carlisle. Let me know what you think, and there'll be another chapter up tomorrow.<strong>


	4. Escape

**Chapter Four:**

**Escape**

Her decision to leave had been a quick one. On a cool evening in October after Charles had gone out for the evening with a few colleagues from work, Esme had stuffed a suitcase with all the clothes she could carry along with the money she had saved up while Charles had been away during the war.

She waited until just after sunset to escape, hiding herself under a large hat and heavy coat. She ran along the back roads and dirt lanes until she was exhausted. Somehow, she managed to find a train station and paid for a ticket to the cheapest stop that was far enough away from Columbus.

Esme relaxed a little as she boarded the train and watched as the Ohio landscape disappeared in the distance. With each chug of the train, she got farther and farther away from Charles. She placed her hand on her belly and smiled. The child would be safe so long as he was away from his abusive father. If Charles had been more kind and compassionate, the thought of her child never being able to meet his father would have been saddening, but Esme was content for the two to never meet, and hopefully they never would.

As she sat back in her seat, she let her mind wander. Her thoughts drifted to the mysterious man she had met almost a decade ago. It had been so long since she had thought of _him_. The memory seemed dreamlike to her now after everything she had been through. Men weren't kind and compassionate like he was. She had yet to find his equal in anyone, and she had convinced herself that he was indeed an angel.

It was hours before the train stopped, and when it finally reached its destination, Esme hopped up quickly, her suitcase in hand before she stepped onto the soil of Ashland, Wisconsin. A new life for her was just around the corner.

She found a rooming house where she could stay, and a few days later had gotten a job as a teacher's assistant in the local school house. Life had taken a turn for the better, and she was content to live like this for as long as possible.

She told the people she met that her husband had died in the Great War, and that she was widowed. They took pity on her instead of asking for more detail, and she was grateful that her secret would be safe.

Months passed, each day bringing her closer to the birth of her son – as she found out on one of her trips to the doctor that it was indeed a boy.

Every time she visited the hospital, she was reminded of her angel. If he had been just an ordinary man – which Esme thought to be quite impossible – he would have most likely married and had children and by now would have been well into his forties.

It was depressing to think that her handsome doctor had grown old. Had he forgotten about the young girl who had broken her leg?

His voice drifted back to her every evening as she sat by the fireplace, gazing into the flames. He always said the same thing – _"Promise me you won't get involved in anything that will hurt you."_

She had promised him that day that she would indeed stay away from anything that could hurt her...but she had broken that promise years ago. After all, she had married that monster of a man, Charles. She must have broken his promise the day she had met that wretched man.

She gave birth to her son in the beginning of June and her life was complete. She cradled him in her arms and cooed his name.

"Edgar," she cooed, smiling at her son who was sleeping peacefully in her arms. She could imagine him growing older. She smiled at the vision of her son as a young man smiling up at her as she cared for him with all her heart. She vowed that her son would never grow up to be the man his father was, instead, she would raise him to be as kind and compassionate as the mysterious doctor she had met so long ago...

Edgar stirred in her arms and let out a cough before beginning to cry. A nurse came into the room and checked on the baby, frowning.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Platt, we need to take him for the time being." The nurse said as she took Edgar from Esme's arms.

"What? Why?" Esme asked worriedly, sitting up.

"Your son has seemed to develop a lung infection; we need to keep a closer eye on him." The nurse sighed, her expression full of pity as she looked down at the child.

"Don't worry, Edgar," Esme whispered into her son's ear. "They'll take care of you. Hang in there." She placed a kiss on his forehead before allowing the nurse to take him out of the room. Esme fought back tears as she sat back, praying that the infection would pass.

She waited anxiously for what seemed like years before anyone came to speak with her.

It had been early in the morning, two days after Edgar's birth, when a doctor entered the room. The conversation had been brief. The physician had entered the room frowning, apologizing to Esme before telling her of her son's death. Esme had gone into a state of shock, and the doctor had left her staring in disbelief out the window.

Her world suddenly turned back into the black abyss it had been when she had been with Charles. This time, she had nothing left. She couldn't go on, it was impossible. Her final chance at happiness had perished, and she was left with absolutely nothing. Most of her heart had been stolen ten years ago, and the little part that had been left had perished with her son. She had nothing...she was nothing...and she would never be anything again.

She fled from the hospital, running as far as her feet could take her. She didn't stop – too shocked to feel the pain and exhaustion. She ran for hours and hours, the only thoughts in her mind were focused on the fact that she was absolutely alone in the world.

She stopped when she made it to the cliff, and there she collapsed in hysterics, sobbing. Every possible chance of a saviour coming to rescue her was gone. She had given up on _him, _for he had not returned when she had needed it most. Now, she realized just how silly and foolish it had been for her to hope for anything good to enter her life. Life was just an unfair and cruel thing that everyone had to live...but no one had seemed to suffer the way she had.

She had loved so much and cared for so many, that it had only seemed right for her to be cared and loved as well. Instead, she was punished for her kindness, and she did not understand why.

Her sobs never subsided as she got to her feet, moving closer to the cliffs edge. She peered over, staring down at the ground far below her. Life was unfair and cruel, but Heaven must be glorious. She had nothing else to live for in this life, but she had everything to hope for in the next.

Her mind echoed his name and it was all she could think about – _Doctor Cullen._

Her lips twisted up into a terrifying smile. She had gone mad in those final hours, and her daftness would not cease.

She let out a laugh as she stepped to the very edge of the cliff, smiling as she let herself fall forward.

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><p><strong>Yikes, just realized how creepy that last sentence was... It can only go up hill from here though, right? Let me know what you thought and I'll have another chapter up tomorrow.<strong>


	5. Burning

**Chapter Five:**

**Burning**

The fall hadn't been as painful as she had anticipated. It had been quick and merciful, and she had slipped into unconsciousness as soon as she hit the ground. She wasn't gone for long though, and soon, she was inside an unfamiliar room. It was dark, and she felt lethargic; her eyelids drooped.

She heard a door open, and a man enter the room. She couldn't hear any footsteps approach her, but suddenly, a cold hand was brushing back the hair that was matted against her forehead.

"Esme?" that lovely voice whispered sadly. She knew exactly who it was, and she forced her eyes open.

He had appeared like an angel did at ones deathbed, frightening and glorious. His blonde hair acting like a golden halo around his head, and his golden eyes were full of sadness and compassion. The decade that had passed had not altered him in anyway, and for a moment, Esme thought she was dreaming. But after a few moments of deliberation, she decided that the doctor who had fixed her leg had indeed been an angel, and she smiled to herself even if she couldn't move her lips. She had been right all along.

He looked down at her as if contemplating an important decision. His brows were furrowed and his pearly white teeth bit down on his lower lip.

Was he deciding if he should bring her to Heaven or not? She couldn't recall anything that she had done to have caused her soul to be damned. Esme suddenly regretted all the times she had argued with and disobeyed her family and friends.

Esme gazed up at the angel that God had sent her, wondering if he would find her worthy to bring to Heaven. She wanted to ask why it was taking him so long to deliberate, but she couldn't find her voice.

The pain consumed her then, and she felt herself slipping into the depths of the abyss. She couldn't see his beautiful face, couldn't hear his wonderful voice, and couldn't breathe in his glorious scent. She was terrified, yet she couldn't fight the darkness; she was too weak.

She did this many times – slipping in and out of consciousness – thought she was never fully awake to comprehend what was around her.

As she became conscious yet again, she was finally able to realize that she was in the angel's arms – limp and lifeless, her life slipping away with every second.

"What have you done?" A different voice asked. She was able to open her eyes enough to see another handsome being in the room. He must have been an angel, too, for he was pale and glorious like the being that held her in his arms...though her angel must have been of a higher power, for her kind doctor was much more glorious than the boy before her.

"I'll explain later," the blonde angel said quickly, striding past the boy and up the grand staircase.

Esme was glowing inside, for this was surely the moment where her angel would ascend to Heaven, bringing her along so she would have to suffer no longer.

She let her eyelids slip shut, and smiled inside. The angel lay her down on something soft...and then he was gone.

Esme's eyes snapped open, and for a moment she was surprised that her strength seemed to return. Her eyes searched the room rapidly, unable to feel the disappointment of still being on earth.

She found him staring out the window, looking out into the night, his hands in his hair as if he were suffering from great pressure.

Esme felt her heartbeat slow dangerously, and she sank back into the sheets. Still, she kept her gaze glued to the angel.

His hands suddenly fell to his sides, and he turned his head to gaze at her. She suppressed a gasp as she saw that his once golden eyes were now as black as coal.

He turned on his heel and was suddenly at her side. His expression was apologetic as he leaned down slowly, his sweet breath tickling her neck.

"Don't move," he whispered in a soothing voice, pushing Esme's collar away from her flesh. If she had possibly been able to move before, now she was surely paralyzed. Esme closed her eyes as his lips touched her throat in a gentle kiss, his silky hair brushing against her cheek.

For a moment, she was in heaven...then she was in complete hell.

His soft lips were replaced with razor sharp teeth as they sank into her jugular, making her cry out in agony. His hand reached up to hold her head in place as his teeth sank deeper into the flesh.

A fiery liquid began to travel through Esme's veins, making it impossible to move without feeling pain.

Where had her angel gone? He had been replaced by a demon, a devil that had pulled the blonde creature away in his search for causing suffering. Where there was once the golden light that was the angel's hair, there was now a black nothingness, swallowing her whole.

Esme's breathing came in gasps as she struggled for air. She squeezed her eyes shut and screamed before opening them, searching the abyss for any sign of safety.

It was then that she saw her angel, collapsed on his knees by the window, his head in his hands, his body shaking with sobs.

She had no time to feel pity for him, she was burning. Everything seemed to be on fire. The fire spread through her veins, the pain surpassing anything she had ever felt. It was like someone had thrown her into a bon fire and watched her burn at the stake...but much, much more painful than that.

Was this what every death was like, fiery and torturous? Of course it wasn't, and she envied those who passed away quickly and peacefully.

Esme tore her gaze from the troubled angel, squeezing her eyes shut as if it would lessen the pain.

Time meant nothing anymore as she burned on. Days, months, decades, could have passed and she wouldn't have noticed, not with this agony eating away at her.

The angel had stopped sobbing and had crossed the room, sitting at her bedside. His hand swept cautiously against her burning palm, like he was afraid that even the slightest movement would cause her pain. His fingers stilled and entwined themselves in hers, his cold skin like a wonderful ointment against her burns.

"Esme," he whispered. "Esme, if you can hear me, you're going to be all right."

If she was going to be all right, then why hadn't the pain ended yet? Why hadn't she died yet? When would she be able to join her dear son, Edgar, in Heaven?

Esme heard footsteps climb the staircase, and the door to the room open. It must have been the boy who had entered.

"What have you done?" He asked again.

"I couldn't let her die," the angel's voice was pained. His thumb stroked the back of her hand soothingly. The boy growled and Esme squeezed her eyes tighter to try and escape the sound. "I cannot go back on what I have done." The angel answered calmly. The boy sighed and left the room, and once again, she only had the fire to focus on.

Eventually, time began to mean something again, and the unimaginable happened. She was suddenly able to move her fingers and toes without agony as the fire vanished slowly.

Her hearing improved as well, and she could hear everything. She could hear the wind rustle the leaves in the trees, the water rushing down a creek into a lake, the birds chirping and the tiny animals scurry around in the forest...and then, there were the little things, too – the quiet breathing of the angel by her side, the boy's footsteps as he wandered the halls on the floor below. She had so much more room in her brain as well. She could memorize each sound and fuss over every one of them at the same time and still have more room to think of something else. It was amazing.

As she listened to the sounds surrounding her, she could also feel the fire retreating slowly from her hands and feet, retreating from her arms and legs. For a moment, it was blissful, before she realized that all the fire that had left her limbs was collecting in her heart, causing it to beat faster and faster. She panicked as her heart beat faster than anything humanly possible.

The fire had completely left everything save for her heart, leaving her skin feeling blissfully cool and smooth. The angel's hand in hers was no longer cold, but warm...almost the same temperature as her own skin. She let out a scream as the fire reached a new level of pain.

Her heart let out one last beat...and then it was silent.

Even the boy downstairs had stopped breathing along with the angel. Even the wind had stopped blowing outside.

She swallowed, wincing when her saliva seemed to torch a new kind of burning in her throat, as if she hadn't tasted water in weeks. She relaxed her tensed muscles, taking a deep breath. The air whistled through her lungs as if it was unneeded, and it felt wrong.

Esme realized with excitement that she was able to move without pain. She wiggled her toes and flexed her fingers, smiling to herself. She was all right, she had survived.

Slowly, she opened her eyes, revealing the new world that awaited her.

Surely this was Heaven, for Earth was not this beautiful. On Earth, humans were not able to see every streak of sunlight that touched the room. On Earth, humans were not able to see every dust moat as it travelled through the air, as if dancing with each other. On Earth, humans were not able to see the rainbow wherever light touched. And on Earth, humans certainly were not able to see the glorious angel shimmering like a thousand diamonds where the sunlight touched his flawless, ivory skin.

He sat in a wooden chair at her bedside, watching her closely. She felt like she had never _truly _seen him before. If he had been glorious before, now he was absolutely, breath-takingly ravishing. There really were no words to describe how beautifully stunning he was. Had she been half blind before...?

"Doctor Cullen?" She asked. It was the first thing she had uttered in this new life. Her voice sounded different – sweeter and softer.

"You...you remember me?" He asked incredulously. Of course she had, a man like him was not easily forgotten. It was like she had never heard his voice, either. His voice was more wonderful than any instrument known to man.

"Yes." She answered.

"How do you feel?" He asked slowly.

"Wonderful," she said in amazement. "Stronger..." She trailed off, distracted by everything around her. "Everything's so..." she looked around incredulously.

"Yes, it can be quite overwhelming," he said softly.

"What's happened to me?" She asked, looking around the room for the demon that had plunged his teeth into her neck. There was no sign of him. "Where is he?" She asked herself quietly.

"I beg your pardon?" The angel asked, confused.

"The...one who bit me."

His face fell, and his eyes flooded with sadness and guilt. The expression was heartbreaking. "There was no other in the room, Esme."

She loved the way he said her name. "Yes there was." She argued.

He looked down and shook his head. "It was I who plunged my teeth into thy flesh." He said, sounding like a man who had met Shakespeare himself. She noticed that his voice held a faint trace of an English accent. He got up from his seat and strode to the window and back.

"But, I'm in heaven, aren't I?" Esme asked.

"I regret to say that you are not." He answered gently.

"But earth isn't this breathtaking." She countered.

A sad smile drifted across his face. "It is in our eyes." She waited for him to elaborate. "We are not human."

She couldn't think of anything to say, so she waited for him to continue.

"We are in an...in-between state." He said, studying her expression. "We are neither living nor dead."

"Purgatory?" She guessed.

"No, we are still on earth." He reminded her patiently. "I have...turned you into a vampire."

Her first reaction was to laugh. Vampires didn't exist – they were the creation of one's imagination, a myth to scare children...but as she took in his expression, she realized that he was serious.

Esme supposed that she should have been angry, she should have hated him for turning her into a damned being...but was it all that bad if she was finally with _him _again? Her beloved Doctor Cullen.

"A vampire..." she said absently. "Like the ones that drink blood, sleep in coffins, and burn in the sunlight?"

Doctor Cullen chuckled. "Only one of those is true...though I don't survive on human blood like the traditional vampire does."

"I'm glad to hear that." She smiled. She swallowed again, but it only torched the burn. She gripped her throat, wincing.

The boy walked through the door then, carrying a large deer over his shoulders. He tossed it on the floor in front of Esme and she was suddenly unable to help herself.

Her vampiric instincts took over and she dropped down beside the animal, plunging her teeth into its neck. The blood was warm and sweet as it flowed into her mouth, decreasing the burn in her throat noticeably. She sighed in contentment as she drank hungrily, only wanting more blood.

When the carcass ran dry, she tossed it to the side, frowning in disgust. Her throat began to burn again, and a sickly sweet substance flooded into her mouth.

Doctor Cullen and the boy exchanged a quick look before the boy grabbed the carcass and left the room.

"Where did he go?" Esme asked.

"He's going to find you more to drink. Don't fret, after a few more deer, your throat won't burn so much." He reassured.

The boy returned ten minutes later with two more deer and Esme found herself unable to resist. Her eyes slipped shut as she swallowed each mouthful of the glorious drink. Doctor Cullen had been right, and after she had drained the third deer, the burn in her throat was more bearable.

"Esme, I would like you to meet Edward." Doctor Cullen gestured to the boy.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Edward nodded, smiling. He had messy hair that was the strangest shade of bronze. His eyes were gold like Doctor Cullen's, yet they were a more topaz colour than butterscotch. The boy smirked and Esme raised her eyebrows in question.

"Edward can read minds." Doctor Cullen explained. Edward smiled.

"Impressive." Esme appraised which only made Edward's grin brighten.

"I assume you have a few questions about our kind." Doctor Cullen assumed.

"Oh, yes, many." Esme nodded.

"Come along, then," he strode towards the entrance, opening the door for the others. "We have much to tell you."

* * *

><p><strong>And so the two are finally united and happier days for Esme are right around the corner! I didn't think that Esme would be too upset when she found out what she had become - afterall, being a vampire couldn't be much worse than her life with Charles - also, Stephenie Meyer stated once that- "She (Esme) was not really that upset to find out she was a vampire–she didn't take it as in stride as Emmett, but she was just happy to be with the manvampire of her dreams." So, now that the week is coming to a close, I'll begin to start updating weekly, any day of the week. As always, reviews are appreciated, and let me know what you think!**


	6. Forever

**Chapter Six:**

**Forever**

The first few weeks of Esme's newborn – as she had learned that newly turned vampires were called – life had been...difficult. She hadn't imagined how nearly impossible it was for her to suppress her newborn instincts, but somehow, the Doctor and his son had managed to tame her, and by the final week of June, she had become somewhat like her human self.

Esme learned something every day as well. Once she had become herself, she was able to take in much more information. She had learned the rules of vampires and had been told about the coven of vampires who lived in Italy, ruling over the vampire world. Every evening after Doctor Cullen returned from his shift at the hospital (Esme still couldn't believe that he was able to work around massive amounts of human blood) she was fed more and more information, hungry for any history about her kind, and if she was lucky, he would tell her horrific stories about what the Volturi – as the Italian coven was called – did to vampires who did not obey the laws.

Once Esme had been able to think rationally again, Doctor Cullen had resumed his shifts at the hospital, leaving her under the watchful eyes of Edward.

She became fast friends with the boy, and discovered that he had a harsh sense of humour and a love for all things music. He was sarcastic and at times cynical, and she had grown rather fond of him in the short time they had known each other.

"My name was Edward Anthony Masen...Junior." He had said when he told her his story. He had been lounging on the ground in the living room, his head against a few pillows as he frowned at the ceiling. Esme had been reading in one of the armchairs when he had spoken, having heard her curiosity of his past in her thoughts. "I was seventeen years old years when I fell victim to the Spanish Influenza in 1918..."

Esme listened intently as he recounted his past for her. He told her about his dreams of becoming a war hero and his attempt to enlist when he was sixteen, having lied about his age. He had been furious when his father had found out and had told the Sergeant about his son's scheme. Edward had been rejected from the Great War and he went back to his life in Chicago, hating what his father had done. Esme saw how the boy's eyes still sparkled when he spoke of the war. Esme remembered that the war had been a pleasant time for her as well, though the memories of her human life were murky, and she couldn't understand why...

Edward had skimmed through his human life, quickly explaining that it had been mostly uneventful...until the flu epidemic of 1918.

"My father died in the first wave," he frowned, though it hadn't seemed like it bothered him much. "I was never close to him; he was always away on business trips." He smirked, remembering something. "He paid for my private school and piano lessons in hopes to make up for his absence...of course; those couldn't make up for his absence in my life."

He had been much closer to his mother, and had cleared his throat a few times when he spoke about her falling ill. She had cared for him greatly and had nursed him from her sickbed. He shook his head and managed a sad smile. "Why she didn't help herself, I will never know." He gave a quick grin when he told her that the doctor assigned to his family had been her very own _Doctor Cullen. _He put emphasis on the name, aware of her obsession with the compassionate doctor. He didn't remember much after that, only that his mother eventually passed, and he was alone. He was an only child, and had no other family.

"Doctor Cullen was the only one who I saw daily...I imagined that by that time we had been friends." He sighed. "That was, until my final hours..."

Edward had been deteriorating quickly, and once his mother had passed, he had lost all hope. Doctor Cullen had stolen him out the back door, though he hadn't noticed at the time, his fever was raging and he was barely conscious. He remembered the pain and then...he awoke.

"Of course, it was a shock to him when I was answering his thoughts." Edward chuckled. "It took some time to get used to, but I can't imagine my life without this talent." His eyes focused on her, coming out of the visions of his past. "I don't know how you can do it."

Esme giggled and rolled her eyes.

"I hated him, you know." He sighed. "For the first week or so I hated his guts...but it isn't so easy to stay angry with _Doctor Cullen._" Again, he put emphasis on the name, it seemed like Edward was almost taunting her and she was glad that she wasn't able to blush anymore, otherwise she would have been as red as a cherry tomato. "His thoughts were always so kind and compassionate and he always forgave me no matter what I did...it was like he expected me to be angry with him. He never chastised me for my unacceptable behaviour. That's why it was so hard to stay angry at him..."

"He seems too good to be true..." Esme said absently.

"Don't go making him sound one dimensional now," Edward pointed his finger at her. "You haven't known him long enough to see any of his flaws."

"Something tells me even you haven't known him long enough to see any of his flaws." Esme teased. Edward sat up, running his hand through his messy hair.

"All right," he smirked, standing to his full height and offering Esme his hand. "History lesson is over for the day...why don't I show you around the house."

Esme took his hand and stood before following him out of the room.

The house in which the Doctor and his son...and now she...inhabited was very large – an old abandoned mansion located in the middle of a forest near Lake Superior. The owners before had been unknown, and few people knew of the mansions whereabouts. Of course, children made up their own stories, but no one had actually stumbled upon the house while Doctor Cullen had lived there.

Edward led her through the house beginning in the kitchen. It was a massive room and it was a shame that it couldn't be used. There was a small door to the left of the large bay window that led out into a fair-sized green house. All ready, Esme loved the house. There was a large dining area and a formal living room where the furniture was covered in a red velvet. She assumed that the music room was where Edward spent most of his time, and it held a glossy black grand piano. Shelves lined two of the walls- one containing nothing but sheet music, and another holding every instrument that Esme had ever heard of and then some. A large window looked out onto the massive front yard, mature trees lining the property. Edward led her through the large foyer and up the grand staircase, pointing out each bedroom and bathroom, along with two respectable libraries for Edward and Esme. The room just to the right of the staircase had tall, heavy wooden doors. When she attempted to open them, she realized that they were locked. She looked to Edward in question.

"Now here we have our dear doctor's study," he said, sounding like a tour guide. "I'm afraid to say that he spends most of his time cooped up in there and he always locks the doors whenever he's away."

"Have you ever been in there?" Esme asked.

"Oh, yes, many times." Edward nodded. "It's nothing special, really," he shrugged. "He has many books and there's a desk and a little seating area."

Edward's vague explanation had only fuelled her curiosity. She wanted to see what secrets Doctor Cullen held behind those double doors. Why did he lock them every time he was away?

"Are there any other rooms?" Esme asked.

"We have a cellar and an attic if that's what you mean." Edward smiled crookedly.

"That's it?"

"Well, there are a few unused rooms below the main floor...I suppose the ballroom hasn't been occupied in years...decades maybe." Edward mused tapping his chin.

"There's a ballroom?" Esme asked in disbelief.

Edward nodded. "Yes, there's doors leading out onto the backyard from there...a rather spectacular house, isn't it?"

"Yes." Esme agreed, eyeing the doors to her kind doctor's study.

"Don't worry, he'll be home soon enough, and then he can show you what's in there." Edward smiled. "I'm afraid our tour ends here." He bowed slightly and Esme giggled. Edward turned on his heel and jogged down the stairs at a human pace. It was always intriguing to see them move at such a slow pace when they could indeed move much, much faster. She heard Edward chuckle before the music flowed through the room. It was a happy song, and Esme hadn't felt very happy in a while. She flitted down the stairs and sat at Edward's side, watching the boy's fingers drift up and down the keys.

Doctor Cullen returned home just as the sun was setting, though the day had been overcast and the sun hid behind the clouds. He said a quick hello to Esme and Edward before ascending the stairs. A few minutes later, he appeared in the music room again. He had changed his clothes.

"Esme was wondering if you could show her your study." Edward spoke up.

Esme shot the boy a quick glare before placing a smile on her face, looking up at the handsome doctor.

"Come along, then." Doctor Cullen gestured for Esme to follow him. "There is no use in waiting to see a room that isn't any more wonderful than the rest."

Esme followed him up the stairs, trying to hold back her excitement. He slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out a small bronze key, slipping it into the lock and opening the doors.

He motioned for her to go inside first and she suddenly seemed to be in another location all together.

The room was rather large with panelled walls and the floors were covered in regal carpeting. The walls were lined with bookshelves that towered above her, each shelf crammed with various books and collectables. There was a small break in the bookshelves where a fireplace was, a loveseat and an armchair were placed across and beside the hearth, a glass coffee table in between. In front of the grand window looking out onto the backyard was a large mahogany desk absolutely covered in papers, pens, and books. A large leather chair sat behind the desk. The room smelled of old books and ink with a faint trace of smoke from a fire he must have lit earlier...though the idea of using the fireplace in the middle of August seemed rather odd. When she turned back to smile at Doctor Cullen, she noticed that the wall was covered with various paintings – large and small, dull and remarkable. The room was amazing and she could finally understand why Doctor Cullen seemed to spend so much time in there.

"Wow," was all she could manage to say. He smiled sheepishly before walking into the room. He went over to his desk and organized a few papers before looking up at her.

"Do you like it?" He smiled.

"It's amazing. If I had a room like this, I don't think I would ever leave." She smiled, looking around.

Doctor Cullen grimaced. "I'm sorry; I do spend too much time up here..."

"Oh, no, Doctor Cullen, don't worry about it." She reassured before giggling. "Edward keeps me entertained."

"Please, only my patients address me as Doctor Cullen." He sighed. "My given name is Carlisle."

"Carlisle," She repeated once aloud, though in her head she was repeating it over and over again. It sounded like the name an angel would be given. He must have been an angel. "But I was once a patient, wasn't I?" She teased.

"Well, yes." He chuckled. "But I like to think that I know you a little better than my patients." There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. "You remember that memory from ten years ago?" He asked.

"Yes, it's one of the only memories that's rather clear...everything else is so foggy." She sighed, trying to remember her human life.

"If you concentrate on your life before, sometimes memories will come forth...or if you do something that you did as a human, memories can come forth as well." He stated.

"Do you remember anything from your human life?" She asked, moving farther into the room.

"That was a long time ago..." He said absently. "But yes, I can still remember a few things."

"Surely it wasn't _that _long ago." She countered.

"You see, Esme, to you and me, I would be considered very, very old...but to other vampires, I am actually quite young." He explained.

"How old are you?" Esme asked, eyeing him.

Just then, Edward walked into the room. "Now that you're home, do you think we can take Esme outside and go hunting?"

"I don't see why not, she's been doing very well controlling herself."

Esme couldn't believe what she was hearing. She would finally be able to venture outside. She would be reunited with nature and nature would welcome her back graciously and with open arms, and in return, Esme would spend the rest of the day and night outside.

She followed Edward down the stairs, followed closely by _Carlisle. _She smiled at the angelic name and could almost hear Edward's eyes rolling in his head.

Edward opened the back door, letting Esme step through first.

The warm evening breeze felt wonderful against her skin, and she breathed in the fresh air as though it was keeping her alive – it was still strange for her to think that she didn't need to breath anymore. She looked back at her two companions eagerly, and they nodded, allowing her to venture further.

She stepped off the back porch and into the grass, quickly slipping out of her shoes so she could feel the grass between her toes. She grinned and ran across the lawn; Carlisle and Edward following close behind – watching her. She hadn't been outside in _months _due to her lack of controland being out of doors again seemed like something she could only dream of.

She ran as fast as she could, flying past flowers and trees in full bloom. She was glad that she had been able to see such life in everything before fall began. She would miss the warm air and the sunny days.

Esme glanced back at the two men and grinned. She could hear waves in the distance, lapping against the shore. The wind was stronger there, and when she turned back to face the direction in which she was running, she had to stop herself from running into the waters of Lake Superior.

"Careful, Esme," Carlisle cautioned. She took a few steps back watching the water.

"I can't even see the other side." She mused.

"And to think, this is only a small strip of the lake," he chuckled, shaking his head. "It is much, much larger than this – the largest of the Great Lakes, actually. It makes us seem pretty insignificant, doesn't it?"

"Yes, quite insignificant." Esme gave a half-hearted smile, turning around. "Where's Edward?"

Carlisle looked around looking just as curious as Esme. "He must have gone hunting."

Esme turned her attention back to the water. She couldn't think of anything to say, and he just let the silence drag on. Did he really think the water could be so spectacular? Esme knew that she could only stare at it for so long before it was time to move on. She looked around and saw a large maple tree, identical to the one she had climbed ten years ago.

"You know, I never climbed a tree again after I broke my leg," she said matter-of-factly, walking over to the tree and running her fingers along the bark.

"So you kept my promise," she heard a smile in his voice. Esme laughed to herself and didn't reply. Even if the memories of her human life were foggy, she still remembered that she had indeed broken that promise. "Why don't you climb one now?" He suggested.

"What?" Her eyebrows shot up as she turned to face him. His expression was filled with innocence. "Oh no, I couldn't do that. Women don't climb trees...besides; I would probably just end up breaking my leg again."

"Esme, there's something I have seemed to have forgotten to tell you," he said. "You can't hurt yourself from something as small as falling out of a tree...we're indestructible."

"We are?" She asked in amazement. Nothing and no one could ever hurt her again.

Carlisle nodded. "And...we are immortal..." he trailed off.

"Yes, you told me that." She nodded.

"Immortal in the sense that we don't age...at all. You are stuck at the exact moment when you were changed. We can live forever as well." He chuckled to himself. "You, Edward and I will always be forever youthful."

She could live forever. The very thought of forever intimidated her. It was something that she couldn't wrap her mind around, no matter how expansive her mind had become. A smile spread across her lips as she thought about it – forever with Carlisle didn't seem too bad.

"So, have you changed your mind about climbing trees?" Carlisle chuckled.

"Yes...but I think I'll wait for another day to test how indestructible I am." They both chuckled. "Why don't we go catch up with Edward?"

"I don't think you would want to see him in mid hunt." Carlisle laughed, but they were all ready running into the forest.


	7. Memories

**Chapter Seven:**

**Memories**

"Purgatory," Edward said. "That's what I think of it." He lay on the grass in the sunlight, his hands behind his head and his skin sparkling as if he had been covered in a million diamonds. He stared up at the passing clouds. Esme sat on the last step of the back porch. The two of them had been outside most of the day. They had been teasing each other when the topic of eternity had come up, the conversation soon turning serious.

"Is it really all that bad?" Esme asked him.

"Esme, we're damned beings. If it's not purgatory, then it's eternal damnation on earth." He sighed. "Carlisle's tried so hard to be good, but what's the use – none of us will ever reach heaven."

"Is that why Carlisle's so kind?" She asked, "Because he wants a chance at Heaven?"

"No," Edward said slowly, his eyebrows furrowing. "No, he's always been a kind person...a little too kind, maybe, but he's always been like that."

"It's just hard to think that this is the only thing we have left." Esme sighed. "But it does sound more reasonable than Carlisle's perspective on things."

"Yes, he seems to think that we'll be forgiven no matter what we do. I, on the other hand, don't think it's all that easy."

Esme sighed again. She was torn between the two ideas of what would happen to them if they ever...passed on. Edward's version seemed more reasonable, but Carlisle's faith was almost infectious.

"You should ask him about his point of view." Edward said, reading her thoughts.

"Oh, no," Esme said shyly. "I wouldn't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't be intruding. Carlisle loves to talk to you, no matter what the subject." Edward frowned as the clouds moved in, blocking the sun. Esme's heart seemed to start beating again, and she couldn't understand why. Why had Edward's simple statement made her heart pulse in a strange way? From what she had heard, since Carlisle had been alone for so long, he loved to talk to anyone. "Speak of the devil," Edward murmured.

Esme turned her head as she heard the back door swing open. Carlisle stepped outside, smiling timidly as he saw the others looking at him.

"I heard my name multiple times." Carlisle said. "I hope Edward hasn't been telling you stories about me that are not true, Esme."

Esme smiled shyly. She saw Edward smirk out of the corner of her eye. "Edward has been defending his idea on what would happen to us when we, er, passed on."

"Ahhh, I see," the doctor's expression became thoughtful. "Then I suppose he has been telling you my point of view on the subject."

"Sort of," Esme answered. "He didn't go into too much detail."

Carlisle let the door close all the way and strode over to the steps. He seemed to deliberate something for a split second before sitting beside Esme on the step.

"Well, to understand my view on this, then you would need to know my history – why I am...like this." He motioned towards himself.

Esme waited for him to continue. Carlisle bit his lip, and Esme supposed that he was uncomfortable bringing up his past.

"I was born in London, England in the sixteen forties." He said slowly, measuring her expression. Esme kept a calm mask on her face, yet inside she was calculating the math. Her kind doctor was almost three hundred years old. "It was a time of religious and political upheaval. My father was an Anglican pastor and my mother...she passed away when I was born."

"I'm sorry," Esme whispered.

"It's all right. I never knew her so I didn't really miss her." He shrugged. Esme suppressed a sigh. Something in his voice made her think he was lying when he said he didn't miss his mother.

"My father led hunts for witches, werewolves, and vampires." He smirked absently, his eyes far away as if he saw something other than the backyard. "He had a rather harsh view of the world around him. I always questioned him – even as a boy – though never out loud..."

He recounted brief memories from his human life, leading Esme upstairs to his study. He showed her all his paintings as he told her his history, each picture having to do with some part of his story. She had been amazed at how he had been able to keep quiet for his entire transformation.

"How did you react when you found out what you were?" She asked him, remembering her first few days as a newborn. If Carlisle and Edward hadn't been with her, she would have most likely gone savage. "I mean, you didn't have anyone to guide you."

"When I found out, I knew I couldn't go home. My father would be disgusted, and I would be burned at the stake." He said sadly.

"Your own father would do that to you?" Esme asked in disbelief.

"Yes," he nodded. "Anything contaminated by the demon would be destroyed; it didn't matter how they were related to him. As I said before, I questioned his beliefs many times."

"How did _you _react?" She asked.

"I was...repulsed." He swallowed. His next words were barely a whisper. "I...attempted...to destroy myself." He didn't look her in the eyes when he said that; instead, he examined a painting in front of him. "I tried to drown myself...jump off cliffs..." he looked at her out of the corner of his eye when he mentioned the second method. "I even tried starvation; but that is not easily done when you're in the newborn stage. You're so strong for the first few months that it's almost impossible to stop feeding; but I was uneducated on the subject of vampires – real ones at least – and I didn't have anyone to guide me."

"How long did you go without feeding?" Esme asked in wonder.

"A few months," he answered. "By that time I was growing weak, so I roamed the outskirts of town, praying that I wouldn't come across any humans."

Esme could see the scene all too clearly. It was almost as if she could see Carlisle walking through the forests of London – weak with thirst and sad from loneliness.

"But eventually you hunted," Esme spoke up.

"Yes," he nodded. "One night a herd of deer passed my hiding place. I was unable to help myself so I attacked. That was the night I realized that there was an alternative to this lifestyle. I was able to survive without killing humans."

"Why didn't you ever think of hunting the traditional way?" She asked.

"I knew that the guilt of killing a human would outweigh the satisfaction of quenching my thirst. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Religion is another reason."

"Yes, you seem to be very steadfast in your faith."

"It was how I was raised." He shrugged. "Even though I disagreed with my father on many things, I have never seen anything that has made me doubt that God exists. I believe that maybe being turned was a form of second chance at life. Like I was meant to do something."

"Edward's point of view is a lot more skeptical than yours." Esme pointed out.

"Yes, he seems to think that my hope of going to Heaven is foolish." He sighed and turned, walking over to his desk.

"I don't think that's foolish," Esme disagreed. "It's just; I don't think my fate is the same as yours."

Carlisle's expression was sad as he flipped absently through papers on his desk.

"How long did it take for you to remember your life as a human?" Esme asked, slightly changing the subject.

"A few months, I suppose. Memories became clearer once I was past the newborn stage."

Esme's gaze fell to the floor as she desperately tried to remember something from her human life. She sighed when the only thing she could remember was talking to Carlisle when she had broken her leg.

She folded her hands together, her fingers entwining as she tried to pull forth the memories. She knew they were in her mind somewhere.

Esme glanced up at Carlisle and saw that his expression was pained, his gaze fixated on her hands. She folded them behind her back self-consciously, Carlisle's gaze flashed up to her face. A mixture of sheepishness at being caught staring and pain from before was on his face.

"I'm sorry," he quickly apologized. "I couldn't help but notice that you're wearing a wedding ring."

Esme lifted her left hand and saw that a gold band was on her ring finger. She had forgotten that she still wore it.

_That's something. _Esme thought. _I was married before... _She tried to remember who she had been married too, but then she saw the look on Carlisle's face. He looked incredibly sad and guilty.

"Esme, I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am." His glorious voice was broken. "I've taken you away from your husband and your family...children." He added quietly.

_Children. _That seemed to bring forth a thought. It started out as just a tiny vision in her head before the memory seemed to come forth, almost knocking her breathless.

She suddenly remembered the little boy who had died just shortly after his birth.

Esme felt her face contort in pain. Carlisle stepped out from behind his desk and strode over to where she stood.

"Esme?" He asked worriedly. "Esme, what's wrong?"

When she didn't answer, he put his hands on her shoulders lightly.

She remembered how she had run away to Ashland. How her husband, Charles, was a monster who she was terrified of. The man who had done terrible things...

A terrible noise suddenly erupted from downstairs. Both Esme's and Carlisle's heads snapped up as they heard Edward sprinting up the stairs, suddenly standing in the room. Esme realized that the pleasant music had suddenly stopped. After hearing her thoughts, Edward must have played a terrible wrong note, pressing down on the keys with much force.

Edward was livid. "That _bastard," _He sneered. Carlisle threw his son a glare at his poor choice of words. "He shouldn't even deserve to live. He shouldn't even deserve to die like a normal person. He needs to be killed." Edward was pacing back and forth, his hands in his hair. His anger carried him on and Esme worried that he would wear away at the carpet if he kept pacing.

"Edward what is it?" Carlisle asked.

"Your statement raised some terrible memories, Carlisle." Edward answered coldly. "Memories that Esme could have lived for eternity without remembering."

Carlisle looked at Esme, his eyes wide. He was in a calm state of panic. Amazing how he could stay calm so well.

"Esme, please tell me, what's wrong?" He asked gently, half pleading.

"My son died a few days after he was born..." Esme said sadly, trailing off. She didn't want to have to tell Carlisle the second memory. She didn't want him to feel guilty.

"That's not all, is it?" He asked. She shook her head. "Please tell me."

"He –" Esme's eyes were unfocused, her voice was shaky. "He treated me terribly."

"Who?" Carlisle asked.

"My husband, Charles."

Carlisle's arms dropped from her shoulders. He stiffened, and a quiet growl sounded from within his chest. He took a deep breath.

"I..." He trailed off and closed his eyes, shaking his head. "If you'll just excuse me."

He strode out of the room. Esme heard his footsteps as he descended the stairs and opened the back door. She ran to the window as she watched him step onto the grass.

"Is he okay?" Esme asked Edward. "We should go after him –"

Edward held out a hand to stop her. "He needs to be alone right now. He needs to suppress his absolute rage and clear his mind." His eyes were unfocused as if he was reciting Carlisle's exact thoughts of the moment. "Besides, he doesn't want you to see him this guilty."

"Why would he be guilty?"She asked.

"He can't believe that he was idiotic enough to bring up the subject of your family and husband."

"It's not his fault." Esme sighed, trying to get past Edward in order to go comfort Carlisle. Again, he held out his hand to stop her.

"He just needs a little time." Edward replied gently.

Esme turned back towards the window, watching as Carlisle began to run, disappearing into the forest as his guilt consumed him.

She walked over to the fireplace, a fire still barely burning. Esme slipped the gold band off her finger and tossed it into the flames. She didn't belong to Charles anymore. The thought almost made her jump for joy. But then she remembered Carlisle's sudden departure.

The kind doctor who she had always thought was calm and collected had begun to show her a different side of him – a side that revealed that he was more broken than Esme had once thought.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm terribly sorry that I wasn't able to update last week. Lately I've been swamped with projects and assignments that I've had no time to work on my stories. It was kind of hard to write Esme's POV on what she believes will happen to them if they were to ever die seeing as I believe Carlisle's view on that full heartedly. <strong>

**If you have time, reviews are always appreciated.**


	8. Emotions

**Chapter Eight:**

**Emotions**

Esme and Edward waited for Carlisle to return from his rather long walk, though Edward was definitely the more patient one out of the two. Esme found herself glancing out the window every so often, hoping that Carlisle would appear at the edge of the woods, walking towards the house with a smile on his face. Each time she did so; Edward would sigh and remind her quietly that Carlisle would return soon.

Soon had never been so long. Esme waited by the window for Carlisle to return as the sun rose the next morning.

Carlisle eventually made his way back, stepping into the house the moment that Edward had distracted Esme. He entered quietly, slipping through the back door and making his way upstairs to his study without a sound. Esme gave Edward an anxious glance.

"Don't worry," Edward said softly. "He'll come around, just give him some time."

Esme would give him ten minutes.

As the clock struck nine, Esme made her way up the grand staircase and knocked lightly on the heavy wooden doors.

"Come in," Carlisle called wearily. Esme hesitated for a second before turning the doorknob, entering his study before quietly closing the door.

Carlisle was standing in front of the fireplace, a fresh fire blazing. His hands were in his pockets, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Strands of silky hair had fallen out of place as if his hands had been buried in his hair all night. He stared intently at the fire, his expression worn and tired. He looked much older than usual.

"How are you feeling?" Esme asked gently.

Carlisle took a deep breath and sighed. "Refreshed and guilty at the same time...how are _you _feeling?"

"Worried," she replied.

"Oh, Esme, please don't worry." His eyes were wide and childlike as his gaze fell upon her. "You will never have to see him again."

Esme suppressed a humourless laugh. He thought she was worried that Charles might find her. She wasn't worried about that – not when she was indestructible and accompanied by two immortal men. Esme was worried about Carlisle.

"Esme, I want to apologize again for what I've done. I should have never raised the subject of your mortal family and –"

She held up a hand to stop him. "What's done is done. Besides, those memories will surely raise some better ones. Please don't blame yourself, Carlisle. It's better if we talk about these things so we can let go of our worries."

Carlisle's eyes drifted away before settling again on the flames in front of him. He was silent for so long but Esme didn't want to leave. His company was comforting. Just being around him soothed her sadness of the things she had remembered.

"I see you've attempted to destroy your wedding ring." He finally spoke.

"Yes. I don't belong to him anymore. Technically I'm dead, and if I remember clearly, I only said "'til death do us part."" She moved closer to him.

"Did you ever love him?" He asked innocently, his eyes childlike once again as he turned towards her.

"No," she answered. "I never loved him. Not even close. I wasn't opposed to him, at first anyway, but I've never loved him."

"Good." Carlisle answered. Esme felt her eyebrows shoot up in surprise at his comment. "I mean, a man like that doesn't deserve the love of a...respectable woman."

There was an awkward silence after his words that seemed to drag on. Esme was turning that thought over in her mind. She wondered if Carlisle had ever been in love, and seeing as he had asked her, she thought it was acceptable to ask him.

"Have you ever been in love?" She asked shyly.

Carlisle gave a short nervous laugh, running a hand through his hair. He was adorably speechless for a moment. "No, I haven't."

"Even after three hundred years?"

"Even after three hundred years." He nodded, striding over to his desk. His smoothed his shirt and looked over the clutter of papers on his desk. "As a human, I never considered love. After centuries of being along, though, it would be nice to find my mate." He admitted, ducking his head and avoiding eye contact.

"Mate?" She hadn't heard anyone use that term to describe a companion. It sounded so animalistic.

"Instead of finding a spouse, as humans do, vampires become mated. It's like an unbreakable bond – everlasting love. Once we find our soul mate, we never fall out of love."

"And, you haven't found a mate yet."

"No. I haven't." He sighed. "It must be rare. I've heard of and met many mated vampires, but at the same time there are those who seem to prefer living alone. Some have even lived for centuries and they aren't bothered by loneliness. I don't know how they do it."

"Maybe if you stop looking, you'll find her." Esme suggested, smiling. She hated to imagine just how lonely Carlisle had been before he had changed her and Edward.

Carlisle looked up at her and their eyes locked. His hands held onto the edge of his desk, his grip tightening so much that Esme feared he might break through the wood. It looked as though his grip on the desk was the only thing keeping him upright. His golden eyes glistened, a smile spreading across his lips. He gave a breathy laugh and plopped down in his chair. He was glowing. He seemed to be unbelievably surprised at something.

"What is it?" Esme asked, her smile growing wider.

"It's, uh..." he trailed off and shook his head, laughing slightly. Esme could have sworn he said, "I can't believe it," but it was so low that even her impressive hearing couldn't pick up the words. "Would you like to take a walk with me, Esme?" He asked suddenly, getting up quickly and almost staggering backwards.

"Um, of course," she hadn't seen her kind doctor this lively in...actually, she had never seen him like that. Something had changed...

Esme followed Carlisle outside, laughing slightly at how fast he was moving. They raced into the forest and ran for miles. Esme asked where they were going, but Carlisle only laughed. Yes, he was acting rather strange.

It was half an hour later when they finally slowed. The trees were spread out more, the forest coming to an end.

"Only a few more metres," Carlisle grinned. They wandered around a large pond before leaving the forest completely. Esme gasped as she saw the golden fields rolling gently into the horizon, trees occasionally visible in the distance.

"This is where I came last night." Carlisle said, his eyes never left Esme.

A sudden memory came forth, filling her mind. It was a fond memory, one that had taken place just hours before she had met Carlisle.

The field where she stood now was beautifully similar to the fields she had wandered as a child. She remembered pretending to be an explorer; she remembered spending hours on end with friends trying to find the end of the fields; she remembered when she had climbed that tree so many years ago – the years when her life had been happy.

"I spent the entire night looking up at the stars and just thinking." Carlisle admitted, stepping forward.

She grinned as she watched him walk through the grass. It was just like her daydreams as a child. After she had broken her leg, she had spent countless hours imagining the lovely Doctor Cullen wandering with her through those fields – side by side...hand in hand...

He looked back at her, grinning. His smile almost stunned her. Something in him had just changed in the past few hours...

He motioned her forward and she skipped through the grass, smiling in contentment. The sun would appear and disappear as the clouds drifted lazily across the sky; their skin sparkling whenever the sun came out.

They sat down in the grass, looking up at the blue sky.

"You know, after everything I've been through, after all the mistakes I've made and the gruesome scenes I've witnessed, I still believe this world is a beautiful place." Carlisle whispered passionately.

Esme smiled sadly. With these new eyes, earth was definitely spectacular...but she couldn't seem to agree.

"I think that's the difference between me and...everyone, I guess." Carlisle frowned. "It seems as though as each day goes by, life seems to become increasingly dull to some people. Not for me, though. Every day, life gets better."

She could agree on that. Every day was better. Every day meant a new start – a new beginning. It was a second chance.

"What are you thinking?" Carlisle looked over at her, "If I may ask."

"Well," she bit her lip. "I was thinking about how similar this field looks to the one I used to play in as a child." Esme didn't want to speak her mind about her disagreements with Carlisle's statements.

"Really?" He asked.

"Yes, I would spend most of my time outside. I was happier doing things that only boys did – it was more enjoyable than sitting inside all day and sewing or cooking."

"I'd like to go back to Columbus one day," Carlisle mused. "It would be nice to see everything from your childhood."

"To be honest, I never want to go back." Esme admitted. "I lived my whole life there and the memories..." She trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence.

"Forgive me," Carlisle apologized softly, his eyes burning with sincerity. "I am being careless with my words."

"It's not your fault."

"Please, forgive me." He looked absolutely heartbroken; almost as if his only goal in life was to be forgiven by everyone and anyone.

"You are forgiven," she whispered, her eyes locked on his.

He looked away a few moments later, gazing up at the afternoon sun. He lay back, folding his hands behind his head as he closed his eyes. He was so beautiful that it seemed as though he would disappear into thin air at any moment – he really was too good to be true.

Esme had never seen Carlisle like this. He had always been so proper and calm and reserved. What had happened to him?

_Something wonderful, _Esme answered her own question. _He's never seemed more handsome...of course, he was all ready handsome beyond belief before..._

She stopped that thought dead in its tracks. She shouldn't be fantasizing about the kind doctor when he was right in front of her – that just wasn't right.

The silence wasn't awkward like it had been before, but it was incredibly comfortable. Esme smiled to herself as she looked down at him. He could have been mistaken as a sleeping angel had the slight smile not been on his face. He looked so young and innocent...

"C-Carlisle," she stuttered his name, not used to saying it out loud.

"Yes, Esme?" He opened one eye.

"I know this question is a little forward, but...how old were you when you were turned?"

"I believe I was twenty-three." He answered. "I'm not sure of the exact date I was born."

Esme frowned. Physically, the doctor was three years younger than her. Although, it hardly mattered seeing as his wisdom and experience made him seem much, much older.

"I was twenty-six." She told him.

He seemed to frown for a split second before he composed himself, shutting his eyes again and smiling slightly.

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter – Mark Twain." Carlisle murmured.

Had she really just heard him say that? Why was age such a concern – to him anyway? Unless, maybe he had been mulling over the same thing she had – the difference in their ages.

_Impossible. _Esme thought as she looked as his youthful face.

But maybe it wasn't.

A month passed, August flowing into September. The warm weather vanishing so slowly that it seemed impossible to realize the change. The trio of vampires had discovered so much about each other, their bonds growing until they seemed to mimic a normal family.

Esme had discovered – with much delight – that Carlisle and her had grown closer as well. She was pleased that they had found things they had in common, and conversing had become almost effortless, as if they had known each other all their life.

The sun had come out for the day at the end of September, forcing Carlisle to abandon his shift at the hospital. So instead, he and Esme ventured outside, wandering through the forests at the edge of the property.

Esme gazed up at the trees – their leaves lovely shades of yellow, red, and orange. She loved summer, but there was always a magnificent beauty about autumn. Even as the wind blew against her cheeks, reminding her that winter would be on its way soon enough, she couldn't help but feel warm inside.

And maybe that heat had been caused by something else. Maybe her joy and excitement had been caused by the handsome man walking by her left. She glanced up at him and smiled.

"Autumn is lovely, isn't it?" She asked him.

He smiled. "Yes, it is – so much beauty in a land that will soon be barren."

The sun disappeared for the moment, hiding behind a large cloud. The leaves no longer seemed to glow. They were once again bland colours, reminding her that colder weather was on its way.

They came across an apple tree, and Carlisle strode ahead, reaching up to pluck an apple from one of the branches.

The sun decided that its game of hide and seek was over and showed itself again, breaking through the clouds.

God rays shone down through the canopy of leaves. The light seemed to only touch Carlisle, causing him to look even more angelic than normally. He turned to her and smiled, holding out the apple to show her...but she couldn't tear her gaze from his glorious face. His teeth glistened as well as his skin which looked to be covered in diamonds. Something seemed to happen in that moment that changed her life forever.

The world suddenly disappeared around her and she only saw him. Her dead heart pounded in her chest, fluttering wildly. It was terrifying, yet it was absolutely wonderful. She seemed to be floating, her head in the clouds.

Realization dawned on her and she felt like screaming to the Heavens. My God, she was in love with Carlisle Cullen. She had known that every day of her miserable life, but her head had been too afraid to admit what her heart knew.

Esme remembered her life with Charles – how horrifying and terrible that life had been. She knew that emotions could deceive her. How could she be sure that these feelings were true?

She smiled up at him, her knees growing weak. She wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and kiss him passionately. She hadn't realized before just how powerful these emotions could be. She fought back the sobs that threatened to come forth, for she knew that he would never love her like she loved him.

Esme's gaze locked on Carlisle's, his butterscotch eyes smoldering in the sunlight. His grin faded, but never left completely – instead, he was smiling in contentment as they gazed at each other. A moment, just for a moment, Esme thought that just maybe he could love her the same way she loved him...but that was impossible. She adored him, yet how could he love her? She had such a dark past, how could anyone want to spend the rest of their life with her? He was so glorious, and she was shameful; he was an angel, and she was a devil.

The sun disappeared again, God showing mercy on her flustered form. Esme was able to think coherently once again. The roaring flame that had become her heart had dimmed slightly, though the fire still burned on, and she feared that it would never be put out.

Carlisle stepped forward, the apple still in his hand. He reached out and took Esme's hand, placing the apple in her palm before closing her fingers around it. Her skin flushed wherever he touched it.

He smiled and offered Esme his free hand which she took cautiously. He squeezed her hand slightly before he led her along the path, back to the house. Her thoughts were still somewhat dazed. Carlisle's hand was so strong and smooth and warm. She was content in the moment. If this was the closest she could be to Carlisle, then she would take it gladly. She would be happy to hold his hand for all eternity.

Esme imagined how she could tell him. A simple _I love you_ would seem too bland. She had never been in love with anyone and she didn't know how to act or what to say or do. Her heart seemed to give a _thump, _her chest feeling heavy with sadness. She would, most likely, never be able to say those three little words to him.

For Carlisle Cullen would never love a woman like her.

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><p><strong>Yay! Esme has <em>finally <em>realized that she is in love with our beloved Doctor...speaking of which, he's acting pretty weird, I wonder what's happened to him ;)**

**If you have time, please review - they always make my day.**


	9. Inspiration

**Chapter Nine:**

**Inspiration**

Edward eyed the two vampires as they stepped inside. Esme could guess who the boy's stare was directed at, but she still gave him an innocent glance as she sat down in one of the armchairs opposite of him.

The sun had refused to come out for some time, and Carlisle had decided that he would go to the hospital to check up on things for a while.

Edward had waited until his father had left the house before speaking.

"So, you've finally realized it." Edward said, tossing his book off to the side. "It's about time."

"What are you talking about?" She knew that trying to play innocent wouldn't work.

Edward rolled his eyes. "You're – at least you think you are – in love with him."

"I don't just think I am..." Esme mumbled, looking down at her hands, the apple still resting in her palms.

"Esme, maybe you're just in love with the _idea _of Doctor Cullen – not in love with Carlisle." Edward sighed, crossing his arms.

"That's impossible," she exclaimed quietly.

"Maybe it is...but what do I know, I've never been in love. I just assume it's infatuation because you haven't known him for very long...but that's just me. For all we know, it could be an...everlasting love. Nonetheless, Carlisle needs someone to complete him...I could help you if you like – give you information about what he thinks about you."

"Oh, no," Esme held out her free hand. "No, that just wouldn't be right. Although, it is nice to know that you don't...oppose of this."

"Please, Esme, the only thing I want is for both of you to be happy." He got up from his seat and picked up his book, tucking it back into its place on the shelf before pulling out another.

"I do love him." Esme murmured.

"I'll tell you what," he turned around to face her. "It's the twenty-fourth of September, right?"

"Yes,"

"If you still feel as though you love Carlisle by the end of December, then I'll believe what you just said – infatuation can't last that long, right?"

"That's three months." Esme frowned. The previous months had passed so quickly, yet December seemed light-years away.

"Three months to get your thoughts in order." Edward began to walk away. He stopped when he was at the doorway, turning on his heel. "Oh, and one more thing –" he tossed his book to Esme. "Greek mythology can be very interesting." He called as he strode out of the room.

She heard Edward chuckle before the music began.

The months passed, September flowing into October which transitioned into November. The warm weather finally vanished as November settled in. Each day it seemed that Esme loved Carlisle more than the day before. It seemed impossible to love him more than she had, but with every glance, her heart swelled more and more.

Her memories began to return as well, slowly at first, but soon enough she could remember her family and things she had done. Strange, but she remembered exactly what had happened when she had fallen out of the tree. Maybe it was because it was only about an hour before she had met Carlisle.

Esme stood at the edge of the property in the front yard, gazing up at the towering fir tree. It was strong yet scrawny at the same time – a large trunk, yet there were hardly any needles hanging on the branches; perfect for climbing.

Esme bit her lip as she stepped towards the tree, grabbing hold of one of the branches and hoisting herself up. She held her sketch pad under her arm, and her pencil between her thumb and forefinger.

"Esme!" He called, causing her to stop and turn her head, her gaze falling upon his beautiful face. Carlisle was the only man in the world who could make a smirk look inoffensive. "May I ask why you are trying to climb this tree?"

"I thought it would be nice to get a better view of the landscape." She giggled. "I wanted to draw a few sketches."

"I didn't realize there were no windows in the house." He teased.

"I can see the scratches on the windows too easily with these eyes – I'd like to see without a filter blocking my view."

"Then at least let me help you get to the top." He offered.

"If memory serves, I believe you were the one who told me we were indestructible."

"Well, yes, but –"

"Please don't worry about me, Carlisle."

"I'm sorry; it just reminds me of when you were human." His teasing had vanished, his face serious. "I know you're immortal now, but even the thought of you getting hurt scares me."

"I promise I won't get hurt."

"...Then allow me to at least carry your supplies."

Esme deliberated for a few seconds. He seemed sincere enough. "Oh alright," she sighed, handing him the sketch pad and pencil. He smiled kindly and tucked the book under his arm, twirling the pencil in-between his fingers.

"Ladies first," he motioned, stepping back.

"Don't you think you should go up first to see if it's safe?" She asked, trying to hide a smile.

He chuckled. "If memory serves, I believe you were the one who told me we were indestructible." He quoted her. Esme smiled shyly. "We'll climb together, then."

Carlisle stepped forward and grabbed hold of a sturdy branch, pulling himself up with ease before offering Esme his hand. She took it timidly and let out a surprised squeal as he lifted her onto the branch. She covered her mouth, heat flooding her face though it wouldn't be visible to the eyes. They both laughed.

"It's only the first branch and we're already laughing," Carlisle chuckled. "Gosh, if I had known climbing trees with you would have been this fun I would have done it sooner."

They continued that little routine – Carlisle would climb onto a higher branch and lean down to help Esme up. She feared that the slowness of it would bother him, but he only seemed happy to help.

His right arm stayed steady the entire time, holding the sketch book to his side. He would lift Esme onto the next branch using only his left arm...and if she hadn't known any better, she would have thought he had been showing off...but it wasn't like it was such a big deal, she could lift up the entire tree with her thumb if she had wanted to.

The wind blew stronger as they neared the top; Carlisle stopped climbing once they had gone about fifty feet, crouching on the branch with perfect balance.

"We should stop here." He suggested as he helped Esme up. "The branches are too thin if we go any higher."

Esme seated herself on the branch, wrapping an arm around the trunk so she wouldn't fall – not that she could fall with her perfect balance.

Once the anxiety of being up so high had subsided, she gazed around at the landscape.

"It's beautiful," she breathed.

"Quite." Carlisle agreed, nodding before he handed Esme her sketch pad and pencil. "Inspiration can strike at any moment," he opened the book to a fresh page. "Be ready."

The scenery was beautiful in autumn, the leaves glowing in the faint sunlight. Past the house she saw the forest that stretched on for miles, the little beach that stood in front of Lake Superior, she saw little houses in the distance, smoke coming from their chimney's, and as she looked far into the horizon, she could see the little field that Carlisle had taken her to months ago.

Esme closed her eyes and breathed in the autumn air, the comforting smell of smoke tangled with the bitter chill and rotting leaves. She could feel Carlisle's presence beside her, his breathing quiet as his lungs worked. She felt at peace up in the tree – more at peace than she had felt in her entire lifetime. She felt the branch sway and creek, opening her eyes to see that Carlisle had stood, one of his hands holding the branch above him while the other was at his side. A faint smile lit his lips, his eyes closed. He swayed a little as the wind blew against him.

Inspiration hit Esme with a force so great she felt as though she would have fallen from the tree. Her pencil began to scribble furiously before she had even comprehended what she was doing. She had all but forgotten the landscape around her as she tried desperately to recreate Carlisle on the pages of her book.

His smile widened slightly and he turned his head towards her, opening his eyes.

"And so you have found your inspiration," he said softly. Esme shut her book quickly, looking away. Her face felt red hot. She felt Carlisle's puzzlement at her haste.

"And just like that it vanishes," she murmured.

"Such a strange thing it is."

"Indeed." She averted her eyes, looking out onto the backyard. She spotted Edward's messy hair as he ran across the lawn, ducking into the forest to go hunt. She shivered as the wind blew fiercely. Something suddenly came to her attention. "Carlisle?" She looked up at him.

"Yes?"

"What are we going to do in the winter when there are no animals around?" She asked.

"I regret to say that we will have to hunt on anything we can find – squirrels, rabbits...I know it doesn't sound appetizing, but we'll get by, don't fret."

Esme frowned. She didn't like the idea of feeding on rabbit blood. "How lovely," she said sarcastically. Carlisle chuckled as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his pocket watch, frowning at the time.

"I'm sorry; I have to leave for work in a little while." He apologized.

"That's all right; I was going to climb down soon anyway."

Carlisle smiled mischievously. "There's a faster way down than climbing."

"And what might that be?"

Carlisle grinned, slipping his hands into his pockets before he turned around and stepped backwards into the air, facing Esme. She gasped as he plummeted through the air, landing unscathed on his feet. She could hear his laughter from the ground.

"It's quite exhilarating, actually." He called from down below, laughing.

"Carlisle Cullen don't you ever scare me like that again!" She scolded. Esme bit her lip and stood up. "Oh, what am I doing?" She asked herself.

"Don't worry, I'll catch you." Carlisle reassured. Esme smiled – just the thought of his waiting arms below was reason enough for her to jump...but she hadn't jumped from anything since...

Esme closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _Carlisle's there, _she kept reminding herself, _he won't let anything hurt you. _

With a squeal, she stepped forward and fell through the air, leaving the sturdy branch behind. She laughed as she hurdled towards the ground – Carlisle had been right, this was very exhilarating. It was rather enjoyable as gravity pushed her towards the earth.

A pair of strong, stone arms caught her gently. Esme opened her eyes to see Carlisle smiling, his golden eyes sparkling with delight.

"I told you I would catch you," he said gently.

Time seemed to stand still while she was cradled in his arms. She never wanted him to set her down on the earth. She looked up at him, gazing into his those beautiful eyes that seemed to stare into her soul.

"I, uh," he cleared his throat and blinked as if he were clearing his thoughts. "I better go." He set her on her feet gently and backed away. "My shift starts in half an hour."

"Oh, yes," Esme shook her head slightly to clear her own mind. "Go save lives."

Carlisle grinned back at her before sprinting into the house. Esme sighed and walked towards the back of the house.

She had better go catch up with Edward and fill up on the bigger game before the colder weather came around. She scowled at the idea of having to hunt squirrels during the winter. Besides, she wanted to tell Edward about her day with Carlisle, no matter how much he didn't want to hear it.

"Glad you could join me." Edward called as Esme stepped into the little clearing in the woods. "And judging by your thoughts, you want to gush about something...Carlisle I presume."

Esme sighed in contentment and sat down, leaning against a tree.

Edward cleared his throat uncomfortably, "As much as I am happy for you, I would appreciate an attempt to control your thoughts."

"Sorry," Esme said quickly, but she couldn't help the smile that was glued on her lips.

"We better stock up on the bigger game," Edward said, changing the subject. "Geez, you would think we were going into hibernation or something."

Esme giggled and stood up, the scent of a bear floating on the breeze.

"It's all yours," Edward sighed. "But the next one's mine."

"Whatever you say," Esme smiled as she followed the scent deeper into the woods.

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><p><strong>As always, reviews are always appreciated - let me know what you think.<strong>


	10. Hunting

**Chapter Ten:**

**Hunting**

Those twelve hours every day that Carlisle worked were the worst hours of Esme's day. Her time was wasted missing Carlisle...though she hardly thought that missing Carlisle was a waste of time. Edward would do his best to help Esme by distracting her as much as he could, but he could only try and help so much. Edward would eventually sigh and go off on his own, leaving Esme be.

She thanked God above when the sun refused to go away one Friday, meaning that Carlisle would begin his weekend off early.

The three off them gathered in the music room after Edward had announced that he had finished his new composition.

"Let's hear it then, dear boy." Carlisle smiled proudly at his son as Edward took his place on the bench in front of the keys.

"Why certainly, old chap." Edward spoke with an exaggerated English accent, poking fun at the faint trace of English in Carlisle's voice.

Carlisle chuckled and folded his arms as he leaned against the doorway.

Edward grinned and cracked his knuckles before settling his fingers on the keys, his brow furrowing immediately as he concentrated.

The song began on a very gloomy note, yet it was brilliantly lovely. The tempo was slow and the song was simple, but it seemed to bring forth memories from Esme's human life. There was a small section where it seemed to be slightly cheerful, reminding her of the first time she met Carlisle before it slipped back into its gloomy chords. Yes, it definitely reminded her of her human life. There was a sudden bar of accented notes, reminding her of when she had jumped from the cliff before sounding as though a knight was moving into a battle – that was Carlisle coming to save her. The tempo picked up slightly when she remembered when Carlisle had bitten her. The ending was gloomy, yet somehow happier, reminding her of when she had woken up as a vampire, seeing Carlisle again.

Edward kept his hands on the keys, letting the final notes sink into the silence.

"What do you think?" He asked.

"It's wonderful, Edward." Carlisle smiled.

"Oh Edward, this is my favourite one so far." Esme smiled, tossing her arms around Edward's shoulders.

"I'm glad you like it – how about I name it after you." Edward looked up at her. "Esme's Favourite."

"How original," Esme giggled, rolling her eyes. "Nonetheless, it's wonderful. Play more." She urged.

"You know," Edward grinned mischievously. "Carlisle can play the violin."

"Really?" Esme asked in surprise, looking up at Carlisle who was smiling sheepishly. "Why haven't I ever heard you play?"

"I used to play when I was alone...once I turned you and Edward I just didn't find the time. I was too busy enjoying the company of others."

"Well, you've got time now," Edward said, "Play for her, er, us."

"I don't know –" Carlisle began.

"Please," Esme bit her lip and looked up at him.

Carlisle sighed and walked over to the shelves, pulling a small case off the highest shelf. "Oh all right."

"I know just the piece." Edward grinned as he rushed over to the cabinets, flipping through the stacks of sheet music before locating the one he wanted to play. "Here," he handed Carlisle a page.

"You really enjoy Debussy, don't you?" Carlisle chuckled as he looked over the music, tuning the violin in his hands.

"What made you want to play the violin?" Esme asked.

"I was in Italy in the early seventeen hundreds when I went to see one of Vivaldi's operas. I enjoyed how he used string instruments as solo instruments instead of the much used harpsichord." He explained as he touched the bow to the strings, playing a lovely note.

"You've been playing for two hundred years?" She asked in disbelief. Sometimes it was so hard to forget how old Carlisle really was.

"Yes," he nodded, smiling timidly.

"Ready?" Edward asked. Carlisle nodded.

Edward began to play a lovely tune, smiling to himself as he played. He nodded to Carlisle and Esme turned her attention to the young violinist.

She felt her mouth fall open as he began to play, his attention solely on the sheet music in front of him. It was a simple song yet the way Carlisle played made it a hundred times more delightful. She could see Edward grin out of the corner of her eye at her reaction. Esme quickly composed herself before Carlisle could see.

Carlisle played with a sort of delicate care and passion as well as complete concentration. He was absorbed by the music just like Edward always was. Carlisle was suddenly more attractive as Esme learned that among all the other things he was good at, he was also talented in the art of music.

None of them made a sound, they seemed to all stop breathing – even the wind died down outside as they listened. No sound could be heard save for the music.

Carlisle kept his gaze down until the final note had been played. He looked up sheepishly at Esme.

"That was beautiful," Esme breathed in wonder, "Absolutely beautiful."

Edward cleared his throat and Esme giggled, turning to him. "You were wonderful too Edward."

"Why thank you," he stood and bowed, grinning crookedly.

"You should play more often, Carlisle." Esme smiled.

"Maybe I could teach you." A smile began to form on his lips.

"Trust me, I won't be very good." She smiled shyly.

"Well, we have eternity to practice."

"Play more," Esme urged, pushing the violin back towards him. Carlisle smirked, his eyes sparkling dimly. That was when she noticed his dark eyes. "Oh, Carlisle, when was the last time you hunted?" She asked worriedly.

"A few weeks ago," He admitted, ducking his head. "I've been busy. I haven't found the time to go hunting."

"Then let's go now," Edward stood. "I'm not the type to pass up a good hunt at any time. It'll be fun."

"Really, it's not a bother –"

"Let's go, Carlisle." Edward sighed, pushing his father towards the door. Esme giggled as she followed the two outside.

They sprinted into the forest, Carlisle's objections and assurances fading as he ran faster. Edward led them through the woods. He loved to run fast and was happy leading the others.

Esme had never actually seen Carlisle in the midst of the hunt before. She had been with him, but he tended to wander away to hunt on his own.

This time, he stayed with them.

Butterflies formed in Esme's stomach as she watched him stop. His eyes slipped shut as he listened, taking a deep breath to catch a scent. There was the sound of a twig cracking somewhere and his eyes snapped open. He sprinted deeper into the woods, Esme following close behind.

She watched as he pounced on the wolf, bringing it to the ground. She had to resist the urge to pounce on him. He was a gloriously dangerous predator. Esme had never seen Carlisle so...uncivilized.

He dug his teeth into the animal's flesh, swallowing large mouthfuls of blood. Esme had never wanted to tear those lips away from the wolf and kiss him as badly as she did now. It was almost painful to just stand there.

Carlisle sighed a few moments later as he pushed the corpse aside.

"I'm sorry; I should have given this one to you." He frowned, standing slowly.

"Nonsense, you needed to feed. I'm not that thirsty." She reassured. Carlisle smiled to himself. "What is it?"

"I don't think I've ever heard a newborn say they're not thirsty." He chuckled.

"I've been a vampire for five months now, I'm not that young."

"Well, newborn instincts take about a year to wear off...Come on, I'll help you find another." he nodded towards the wolf.

Esme had consumed a wolf and two deer in the time span of ten minutes. She hated that need for blood that seemed to take over when she hunted.

Carlisle stopped her after she had drained the third deer.

"Esme," he was so close... "Your eyes."

"What about them?" She asked worriedly. She hadn't seen her reflection in a while. What had happened?

Carlisle smiled. "They're golden."

"Really?" She asked in amazement. "So, I don't look as gruesome anymore?"

Carlisle laughed, making Esme grin even more. A soft smile lit his face as his laughter subsided. "You were never gruesome to begin with."

Esme felt the heat flood her cheeks. She smiled shyly. If her eyes were golden...did that mean she could go back into society again without the fear of suspicion?

"Can I go back into society now?" She asked.

Carlisle's face fell. "With your eyes finally a golden colour, it is safe enough that you won't draw any suspicion...but, Esme, you need to learn control first. You haven't been around human blood, it's still not safe."

"But I haven't killed anyone yet."

"Yes, but you've barely been out of my or Edward's sight." He said gently.

"It's so lonely." She murmured.

Carlisle sighed. "Trust me, I know the feeling."

"Maybe in a few weeks," Esme suggested.

Carlisle deliberated that for a few moments. "Next Saturday, Edward and I were planning to go into town to keep up human appearances...I suppose we can try..."

Without thinking, Esme wrapped her arms around his waist. She was too excited to even notice what she was doing at first. "Thank you," she smiled, closing her eyes.

Esme realized what she had done when Carlisle embraced her. She blushed furiously as they released each other awkwardly.

"We'll see how it goes from a distance, and if you feel as though you are in control, then we'll go further into town...if not, then we'll take you home."

"Truly, Carlisle, you don't know how much this means to me." She smiled.

"I'm just happy to see you happy," he said softly.

Before they could say anything else, Edward stepped into view. He sighed and folded his arms, leaning against a tree.

"I don't know, Carlisle, are you sure you want to risk this?" Edward frowned.

"We would have to try eventually," Carlisle sighed. There was silence and Esme guessed that they were having a silent conversation.

"I haven't killed anyone yet." She reminded them.

"So this is your idea?" Edward asked. Esme nodded as she watched Carlisle throw a glance at Edward. There was another minute of silence before Edward spoke. "Well then, I'll clear my calendar for Saturday, then. You don't have to do this, Esme."

"But I want to."

"We'll talk about this when we get back to the house." Carlisle sighed. "Let's just continue on our hunting trip for now. Esme, you'll have to be sure to hunt everyday this week."

Esme nodded and Carlisle turned to Edward. "I had to go through this when you were a newborn, too, remember that."

Edward frowned. "Just try not to kill anyone."

"Edward, enough," Carlisle said. "If she wants to see how much control she has then let her."

"I'm sorry, Esme," Edward apologized.

"You're forgiven."

Edward tilted his head up and sniffed the air before grinning, "Mountain Lion – my favourite."

* * *

><p><strong>I just want to say how AH-MAZING Breaking Dawn was! I saw it this morning and I can't wait until I see it again! After I finished watching it I felt like doing anything that involved twilight and I've been gushing about it ever since this morning - my parents are probably sick of hearing it :p Anyways, I'll try to get my next chapter up to par...I've been thinking that's once I've finished this story, I'll go back and edit a lot of things...we'll see.<strong>


	11. Control

**Chapter Eleven:**

**Control**

"Elizabeth Esme Mason," Edward suggested. It was the first thing any of them had said in a while. "That way people won't be reminded that much of you as a human."

The three of them had been trying to come up with a name that Esme could use while they lived in Ashland. Esme had spent every day hunting; feeding until she could drink no more. She had gotten more excited and nervous as the week wore on and now, Saturday morning had arrived. They would venture into town shortly, early enough that not many people would be wandering the streets.

"Are you sure you want me using your mother's name?" Esme asked, unsure.

Edward shrugged. "It was the only thing I could come up with."

Edward had been the most uneasy about Esme going into town. He didn't want her to fail...and as much as she promised him that she wouldn't, they all knew that if anything were to happen, they would leave that night.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Esme?" Edward asked for nearly the thousandth time.

"Yes, Edward." She replied.

Carlisle had been silent awhile. He sat in one of the armchairs, his chin resting on his folded hands as he stared at the ground. His golden brows were furrowed as he mulled over something.

"Carlisle, are you sure we should let her do this?" Edward was really worried.

Carlisle's eyes flickered to Esme's as Edward called him out of his reverie.

"You just need to believe you can do this, Esme." He said calmly before glancing up at the clock. "It's nearly nine; would you like to go now?"

"Just one more hour," Edward practically begged. He had never looked so much like the teenager he was.

"Esme?" Carlisle asked.

"One more hour," she agreed.

And so they sat back and waited. Esme nearly drowned in her nervousness. She knew that Carlisle would be fine if she decided to back out now, and based on how Edward was acting, she was sure he would be thrilled if she decided to stay home.

The room was silent, save for the ticking of the clock; Carlisle was the only one who seemed calm.

_He's always calm, _Esme thought with a faint smile. She watched as he bowed his head over his folded hands and closed his eyes as if he were praying. Esme suppressed a sigh as Edward rolled his eyes.

The boy twitched like a human – tapping his feet and straightening his tie. Edward could be so impatient sometimes...

"Where would we go if this...doesn't end well?" Esme asked nervously, staring at her hands.

"Rochester," Carlisle answered without a second thought. "We would be moving there anyways when we have lived here long enough."

They lapsed back into silence – waiting. Esme looked up at the clock on the mantle every few seconds, becoming more and more nervous as time wore on. Edward snickered at something and covered his mouth as he shook with silent laughter, shaking his head. Esme glanced at Carlisle, assuming that Edward was laughing at a thought that had passed through the doctor's head, and found him staring at the ground with his mouth hanging open slightly.

"Esme?" Edward asked, still chuckling. "Have you read that book I gave you a few months ago yet?"

"No," Esme admitted. "Why?"

Edward shrugged. "I just thought you would be interested in some of the myths."

"Oh, I'll have to read it when I get back then."

Carlisle stood, brushed out the wrinkles in his shirt and waistcoat and straightened his tie. "We better go now." He said, offering Esme his hand.

A smile drifted across her lips as he helped her up – always the gentleman. They strolled into the foyer, walking slower than usual. Edward lingered behind for a few seconds before grabbing his coat along with the others.

"Ready?" Carlisle asked her as he touched the doorknob.

"Yes," Esme nodded, suddenly feeling more unsure than she had ever felt.

Carlisle opened the door, allowing the brisk morning air to flood into the house. Edward stepped outside first and Esme sighed; that was how it was going to be all morning – one always in front of her and one always behind her.

Esme followed Edward to Carlisle's car before they all got in. Edward was about to get in the passenger seat when Carlisle spoke.

"Maybe you should sit in the back with Esme." Carlisle suggested, "Just in case."

Edward thought about that for a moment. "Maybe you should, Carlisle. You have more control."

Carlisle nodded before handing the keys to Edward and slipping into the back beside Esme.

"Tell us if it gets to be too much," Carlisle told her. "We'll understand."

"All right," Esme nodded, taking a deep breath.

Edward started the car and backed out of the driveway. For the moment, anticipation seemed to outweigh her anxiety. She was about to venture back into the world of humans and if she succeeded, she no longer had to live her days in the confinements of the doctor's property.

They drove through forests and passed over a bridge where a stream trickled beneath. Esme could hardly contain her excitement; she pointed out every little thing...and as Edward rolled his eyes, Carlisle still shared in her excitement.

Esme was musing over a deer they had just seen looking out of the forest when she caught the first scent of humans. She stopped mid-sentence and clenched her fists, squeezing her eyes shut. Already, venom pooled in her mouth and she felt her humanity slipping away...but before she was fully gone, Carlisle pulled her out of it.

"Hold your breath." Carlisle ordered gently.

Esme did as she was told, but she could still taste that mouth-watering scent on the tip of her tongue. She had to track that scent down...

"Esme," again, Carlisle pulled her out of her demonic state, this time taking her hand in his. His fingers entwined in hers were the only thing that seemed to keep Esme in place. She opened her eyes slowly and peered out the window. Humans strolled down the street, pausing and talking happily with each other, drifting into buildings and enjoying the morning. Carlisle and Edward exchanged a few words, but Esme wasn't listening; no, she was too fixated on the pulsing blood beneath each and every human's flesh. Her eyes widened, and she swallowed a mouthful of venom. Her throat burned. Even if she held her breath it was still delicious. If only she could get her hands on one of them...

And there she was again, being snapped out of this dreadful state by Carlisle. It was actually quite amazing how he could do that to her. His fingers tightened around hers slightly and her head snapped up. Her gaze settled on Carlisle's eyes and suddenly she couldn't smell that mouth-watering scent, or taste that delicious blood. Carlisle _must _have been an angel – a miracle worker of sorts.

"You're doing wonderful, Esme." Edward spoke up. Esme frowned; this had not been the voice she wanted to hear.

"Are you in control?" Carlisle asked, his voice like a precious medicine to her ears, stopping her from doing something she would later regret doing. "Do you want to turn around?"

Esme shook her head. "Just don't let go of my hand." She practically pleaded. She knew that if his hand left hers, no one would be able to stop her from attacking the closest human.

"I promise," he vowed gravely.

"I'll park just outside of town and if Esme thinks she has enough control, we can try walking in." Edward said as he turned a corner.

"Is that all right, Esme?" Carlisle asked. Esme nodded, not entirely confident in speaking any more than she had to at the moment.

Esme kept her eyes fixated on her hands as they drove further out of town...well, more like she studied Carlisle's hand. It was so...large compared to her hand. With smooth, slender fingers and a certain gentleness to the way he held her hand...

Edward sighed as he heard the thoughts pass through her head; but she couldn't help it – she was mesmerized just by the sound of his voice.

Edward parked the car and turned around in his seat. "Do you want to walk into town?" He asked.

Esme allowed herself to breathe again; first a little sniff – and once she found the air to be clean – a deep breath.

"I think I'm in control." Esme said. "Let's just try it."

Edward hesitated before opening his door getting out of the car.

"Are you sure?" Carlisle asked.

She nodded, and Carlisle opened the door. They both stepped out into the fresh air and Esme took another deep breath. She suddenly admired Carlisle more for being able to not only work around humans all day, but be around fresh blood without feeling an ounce of temptation.

"How do you manage?" Esme asked quietly, half to herself.

"I've had years of practice," Carlisle said. "Esme, this is only your first try and you're doing so well."

"I am?" She asked in disbelief. Carlisle nodded, grinning.

"All right, let's try getting closer," Edward said, nodding towards town.

"Wait," Esme suddenly remembered something. "What's my story going to be – why am I here?"

The three of them thought for a moment.

"You're a close family friend who has come to visit-"

"The two handsome Cullen men," Edward grinned goofily.

Carlisle rolled his eyes. "And – when you start going into town more often – you'll decide to stay with us permanently because you thought it would be nice for us to have a female presence in the house."

"All right," Esme nodded. "My name is Elizabeth Esme Mason and I'm a family friend who's visiting, got it."

"Maybe you two shouldn't hold hands like that." Edward chimed, trying –and failing – to keep a smile off his face. "I don't think people would appreciate you courting a woman who has just arrived in town, Carlisle...maybe give her your arm so it doesn't look that serious."

Carlisle's expression mirrored Esme's – they were both staring at Edward with their jaw dropped and their eyes half crazed and half embarrassed.

Carlisle stuttered something inaudible and Esme let go of his hand quickly and reluctantly before Carlisle offered her his arm, which she took much too eagerly. She ducked her head in embarrassment.

"There, that's better." Edward nodded with approval, acting like a father chaperoning his daughter. He turned on his heel and began walking.

"He made me break my promise," Carlisle whispered to her, frowning. "I promised I wouldn't let go of your hand."

"I was the one who let go, so technically you didn't break your promise," Esme smiled in reassurance.

Carlisle sighed and smiled kindly. "Just remember not to wander off or venture out of my sight unless Edward is with you...but be sure to tell me first so I know where you two are going."

"I promise," Esme smiled.

"Now we better start walking so we can catch up to Edward before we get too close to any humans." Carlisle placed his trilby hat on his head. Esme suppressed a sigh – he had just combed his lovely blond hair, why put a hat on? Her answer popped into her mind right after she had asked herself that question – to keep up human appearances, that's why the vampire wore a hat even though the chilly November air didn't bother him – it was to make him seem human. Edward was wearing a hat of his own; a plain gray newsboy cap that sat on top of his messy bronze hair.

The three of them walked at a steady pace, as if they were out enjoying the morning. Esme concentrated on the hand that held Carlisle's arm to keep her mind off the scent that became stronger with every step. If she focused on the fact that her hand was resting on his bicep, the scent would become only a faint bother in the back of her head.

As they stepped onto the sidewalk that led through downtown, people began to stare. The scent of blood grew stronger and stronger until Esme's throat seemed to be in flames. She clutched Carlisle's arm tighter and he looked down at her with concern.

"We can turn around, if you like." He offered softly.

"I'm fine." She said quickly before holding her breath.

They continued to stroll down Main Street, Edward walking closer to Esme than usual. Luckily, they had not passed any humans yet – all those they had seen had been walking on the other side of the street, yet that didn't stop the humans from stopping and staring.

Esme looked around at the scenery – the buildings, the trees, the lake in the distance. She had almost been completely distracted when Carlisle and Edward stiffened. She turned her head to face the direction they were walking and saw two young women and a young man walking towards them.

"Don't breathe," Edward ordered quietly. "If they ask you anything, either let me or Carlisle reply, or use brief sentences that won't take up too much oxygen."

Esme looked up at Carlisle in worry.

"I won't let you hurt anyone." He said gently. Esme placed a polite smile on her face as the trio got closer, though she made sure to always be highly aware of her surroundings.

The two women's smiles brightened as they got closer, the young man smiled politely, though he seemed to stiffen.

"Good morning, Doctor Cullen." The women said in unison, blushing noticeably as they greeted the handsome doctor.

"Good morning," Carlisle smiled politely, tipping his hat. Edward removed his own hat and nodded in acknowledgement before placing it back on his head.

The women blushed and giggled as they passed, and Esme caught the young man rolling his eyes. Obviously, Doctor Cullen's affects were known throughout the town.

A new kind of emotion seemed to flood Esme's mind. It was an unpleasant and brutal emotion – one in which she felt like attacking those women with no rational reason. Esme tightened her hand around Carlisle's arm and clenched her teeth.

"Carlisle, I think I'll take Esme to the park for a little while." Edward said, sounding slightly worried.

"Oh, all right." Carlisle said, sounding somewhat reluctant. "I have to run a few errands anyway...I'll meet you in about half an hour."

Edward offered Esme his arm which she took easily...but she still held onto Carlisle's arm tightly.

Edward cleared his throat and Esme smiled sheepishly, letting go of Carlisle's arm.

"Right, then," Carlisle smoothed his coat. "I'll see you in half an hour."

Esme watched as Carlisle walked away, before she turned her attention to an amused Edward.

"You know, what you said about us holding hands was not funny." She scolded. "That was embarrassing."

"I thought it was rather hilarious." Edward smiled crookedly. Esme sighed and rolled her eyes – such a mistake that was, for when she exhaled, the potent scent of blood flooded her mouth. Her eyes slipped shut involuntarily and she savoured that delicious taste on her tongue. Carlisle wasn't around to pull her out of her awful state this time. "Esme?" Edward asked worriedly.

A low growl was building in her throat as she prepared to attack – just one lunge and she could sate her thirst.

"Edward," her human self managed to say from somewhere. "Get me out of here."

Edward kept his hand glued to his side so Esme couldn't escape and quickly led her down the street and into the park on the lakeshore. No humans were around, none of them finding the weather warm enough to enjoy a stroll in the park.

"That was terrible." Esme heaved, taking deep breaths, filling her lungs with the clean air. "I thought I was going to attack someone. Who was walking towards us anyways?"

"A family," Edward frowned, "A husband and wife with their two sons."

"Oh dear," Esme covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head.

"That was actually quite incredible what you just did there." Edward praised. "You were able to get away from those humans before you attacked."

"I don't know how I did it." Esme said quietly.

"How did you manage to control yourself before?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing. "I mean, I know you just focused on Carlisle, but was that really all it took?"

"Yes," Esme admitted. _He has some kind of power over me, Edward. _She added in her thoughts, knowing that she wouldn't be able to say that out loud.

Edward sighed as they sat down on a bench; he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, shaking his head. "To be honest, I didn't believe you would do as well as you did." He admitted.

"Somewhere in the back of my mind, I felt the same way, too." Esme said as she watched a pair of teenagers walking across the street. There scent touched Esme's nose faintly. "Edward, distract me."

"All right, um..." He rubbed his chin as he thought. "Do you know why I burst out into laughter this morning back at the house?"

"No, why?" She honestly hadn't given much thought to that, but now that she remembered Edward's struggle to control his snickers and Carlisle's distraught expression, she was curious.

"Well," Edward chuckled. "You know the saying, 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away'?"

"Yes,"

"Carlisle was remembering when he had given you the apple when the saying popped into his head. He hopes you didn't take that gesture as an offence...of course, I think only Carlisle would read into it that deeply." An endearing crooked smile formed on his lips.

"Carlisle thinks that I would believe when he gave me the apple, it was a sign of saying he wanted me to stay away from him?" Esme asked, giggling.

"Yes, and he hopes that you realize that that was not the case...speaking of apple's," Edward pulled a book out from his inside pocket, "You still need to read this."

"How does that have to do with apples?" Esme asked, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

Edward shrugged. "You might want to read the pages I've dog-eared – those are pages I've found most interesting."

Esme took the book from him and sighed as she opened it to the first page Edward had marked. There was a picture of a bright red apple clasped in the hands of a woman. Esme peeked up at Edward and saw him smiling faintly as he watched the traffic.

_Apples appear in many religious traditions, often as a mystical or forbidden fruit..._

The page began.

_One of the problems identifying apples in religion, mythology and folktales is that the word "apple" was used as a generic term for all (foreign) fruit. For instance, in Greek mythology, the Greek hero Heracles, as a part of his Twelve Labours, was required to travel to the Garden of Hesperides and pick the golden apple off the Tree of Life growing at its center. _

Esme sighed and looked up at Edward.

"Keep going," he nodded towards the book. "You may find something interesting in there."

_The Greek goddess of discord, Eris, became disgruntled after she was excluded from the wedding of Peleus and Thetis. In retaliation, she tossed a golden apple inscribed 'For the most beautiful one' into the wedding party. Three goddesses claimed the apple: Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite. Paris of Troy was appointed to select the recipient. After being bribed by both Hera and Athena, Aphrodite tempted him with the most beautiful woman in the world, Helen of Sparta. He awarded the apple to Aphrodite, thus indirectly causing the Trojan War._

_The apple was thus considered, in ancient Greece, to be sacred to Aphrodite, and to throw an apple at someone was to symbolically declare one's love; and similarly, to catch it was to symbolically show one's acceptance of that love – _

Esme's eyes widened as she looked up at a grinning Edward.

"And if I'm correct, that apple is still sitting on your dresser." Edward tapped his chin in mock thought. "But I can't be sure as it would have probably rotted by now."

"But he didn't _toss _an apple to me." Esme said quietly.

"But he handed it to you, and you took it."

"Well, yes, but..."

"But what?"

"But, it's not the same." Esme turned her head away from Edward's gaze. "Besides, Carlisle would never love _me_."

"Why not, you're a respectable woman."

"It's just not possible," she frowned. "He deserves someone much better than I am." Edward didn't say anything for the longest time, and when she looked up at him, he was grinning from ear to ear. "What is it?"

"I believe you." The grin wouldn't leave his face.

"I beg your pardon." Had he just agreed that Carlisle deserved someone better?

"No, listen." Edward held his palms up. "I believe that you love him."

"You do? Why?" Finally after almost three months, he believed her when she said she loved Carlisle Cullen.

"In saying that he deserves someone better says that you would let him love someone else if it meant he was happy, no matter what that would do to you." The grin faded as his face turned serious.

"It would kill me, but I would hate to see him upset."

"On the other hand," Edward countered. "You have yetto see him upset. There are still things that you need to learn about him."

"You just said you believed that I love him."

"Yes, I do. I believe that by this point, it's passed infatuation...but are you willing to spend even the worst moments of your life by his side – through the hard times and the arguments and disagreements and annoyances? When you're willing to do that without a second thought, then I'll believe that it's the _true love _that you make it out to be."

Esme was about to answer him when Carlisle came into view. Another woman passed him and he tipped his hat, leaving her blushing.

"And here we see our dear town's unsuspecting ladies man – a title that has been given to him without him even knowing." Edward said in an English accent. Esme covered her mouth to hide her laughter; yes, it was true that Carlisle seemed to be unaware of the affect he had on most women. "Back so soon?" Edward asked him.

"Yes, I had fewer errands to do than I thought...how's Esme?" He asked, sounding concerned.

"Extraordinarily brilliant," Edward complimented. "She was even able to stop herself from attacking."

Esme smiled sheepishly and ducked her head.

"Would you like to go home?" Carlisle asked her in a low, gentle voice.

"Yes, please." She whispered, nodding.

Carlisle offered Esme his arm which she took eagerly. She saw Edward smirk out of the corner of her eye, but it didn't bother her – she was just happy to be holding onto Carlisle again. Her knees seemed to get weaker with every step she took, her mind feeling flustered as she lost her train of thought...she couldn't remember the last Carlisle had _ever _had that much of an effect on her. And his scent – _oh how wonderful it was! _

A low growl came from Edward, and Esme looked up at him in concern.

"Humans," Edward stated quietly as two men and a woman walked towards them.

So it hadn't been Carlisle that had had so much of an effect on her; it had been the smell of blood that had caused her to feel lightheaded and giddy. Esme suddenly stopped breathing and tightened her grip on Carlisle's arm.

"Don't worry," Carlisle whispered soothingly.

"Doctor Cullen, Edward," one of the two men smiled.

"James, how are you this morning?" Carlisle asked easily.

"Fine, thanks, and yourself?"

"Wonderful," he answered kindly, Edward smiled politely.

"I didn't realize you had a friend visiting," the other man said, removing his hat. "I'm George Fletcher."

"Elizabeth Mason," Esme answered as naturally as she could.

"Elizabeth is a family friend." Edward said. "She wanted to see what life was like out here in Ashland."

The woman scrutinized Esme in a way she must have thought was inconspicuous and frowned. Edward hid a snicker as he cleared his throat – something in the woman's thoughts must have been amusing, Esme would have to find out what it had been later.

"Enjoy your stay," George smiled kindly. "I hope we'll be seeing you again."

Carlisle stiffened slightly, not enough for the humans to notice but it was enough to get Esme's attention.

"Have a nice day," Carlisle nodded politely before the trio walked away. "Are you all right?" Carlisle asked Esme.

"Yes, but can we go home now? I need to hunt."

"Right away," Carlisle said as they began to walk. "I think George Fletcher likes you."

"How can you tell?" Esme asked.

Carlisle shrugged. "The way he just acted was...different than when I've talked to him before."

"And I can read his mind," Edward said. "So I _know _he likes you."

"Why did the woman look bitter?" Esme asked innocently, although she could probably think of why.

Edward smirked but continued on anyway. "She didn't like how close you were standing to Carlisle. She's been infatuated with him ever since we've moved here."

Carlisle ducked his head and smiled sheepishly, and Esme guessed – had Carlisle been human – that his face would be a dark shade of red at the moment.

"Esme?" Edward questioned. "Do you think we should stop talking about Carlisle's affect on women?"

Carlisle ducked his head even more and laughed nervously. Esme frowned up at the boy.

"That's enough, Edward." Esme attempted to the stop him from humiliating his father any further.

"Hmmm, surely he has an effect on you too, Esme, I mean, you can't be the only one in town that's immune to his charm." Edward grinned mischievously.

Carlisle raised his head a little, cocking it to the side as he waited for her answer.

"Well...um..." She thought of a way she could avoid the question. If she didn't answer, then Carlisle would know that she also suffered from being breathless every time he smiled, but if she did answer than she would have to lie...and that wasn't fair to him.

Suddenly, a large group of humans wandered by – two large families out for a picnic. Even Edward looked as though he had to hold his breath.

"Carlisle," Esme cried quietly.

"I know," Carlisle replied.

They all started to walk faster, but they could only walk so fast without seeming inhuman.

"Carlisle, take her hunting. I'll get the car." Edward said.

Carlisle nodded, his expression grave. Edward walked off in the other direction as they looked around to see if anyone was watching.

They fled into the forest, sprinting away from the town and into the wilds. Esme filled her lungs with the precious clean air. The scent of humans was almost gone as the bitter chill filled her nostrils, wiping away all temptation.

"Esme," Carlisle tugged on her hand, slowing them down to a halt. They had been running for five minutes, the town already far behind them. "Esme, you did it." A smile spread across his face.

"I did?" She was in such shock that it was hard to believe she hadn't killed any humans at all.

"Yes," he was grinning, laughing breathlessly. "You were wonderful."

She felt her mouth turn up at the corners as she grinned from ear to ear, sharing in Carlisle's breathless laughter.

Without thinking, Esme wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer. To her pleasant surprise, Carlisle embraced her easily, and just as eagerly. It was intoxicating being this close to him – and she had been at his side for the better part of the morning. His scent wrapped around her just like his strong arms did. Esme rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes, feeling perfectly comfortable and content in the moment.

"I'm so proud of you," she could feel his voice vibrating within his chest. "You've come such a long way in only half a year."

"Because of you," she whispered quietly.

Esme pulled away slightly, though she kept her arms securely around his waist. "You couldn't have believed in me the whole time," she said. There must have been at least one time where he had his doubts.

"Most of the time, yes I did believe in you...but Esme, it is more important if you believe in yourself. If you believe you can do something, it shouldn't matter what other people think." His wise, beautiful eyes smouldered as he gazed down at her.

Esme opened her mouth, words forming automatically on her tongue. She almost said those words, she almost spilled her heart out right there; and she most certainly would have, had the sane part of her mind not stopped her. Esme bit her tongue and cringed inwardly, feeling defeated.

"We should probably go hunting now," Carlisle frowned. "I assume it has been a tiring morning for thee."

It was a simple slip of the tongue, yet the little word that he must have used in each sentence as a human had reminded Esme just how much she enjoyed his voice. The little mistake was wholly endearing.

"Yes, it has been." But she couldn't help the smile that spread across her lips.

"Hello, hello," Edward called as he stepped into view, "Long time, no see."

He smirked as he got closer, raising an eyebrow. Esme smiled sheepishly and released Carlisle, feeling empty as soon as she dropped her arms.

"You, dearest Esme, deserve a treat." Edward grinned. "The first mountain lion is on me, free of charge. Besides, you might need to keep your control up if you want to see that George Fletcher again."

Esme giggled and rolled her eyes. Carlisle chuckled, too, though he seemed to stiffen at the sound of the man's name.

Carlisle offered Esme his hand which she took eagerly. She smiled as he held her hand tightly, almost as if he was afraid to let go. Oh, how she wanted to tell him that George Fletcher was the least of his worries – how could she love another man while Carlisle was in her life? Even if he hadn't saved her, he had still made a lasting impression while she was human that no man would ever fulfill.

"Just a few more months and you'll be able to go out into town without fear of attacking anyone." Carlisle told her softly.

Esme liked that idea. She couldn't wait until her control matched that of her companions, though a part of her shied away from venturing out without Carlisle at her side. She had learned to control herself around humans; all she needed to do now was learn to control her daydreams...

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><p><strong>As I'm writing this, I am also packing for my trip to Columbus (Yes, that's right, Esme's hometown :)) I'm proud of myself for actually writing a good-sized chapter. Let me know what you thought, and I'll see you next week. Oh, and the little bit that Esme's reads about Greek mythology is actually from wikipedia...so yeah.<strong>


	12. Distractions

**A/N: Just for the record, I have no idea how to paint or what to do when painting so that little knowledge about me might help while reading this chapter - please don't take offence if you are into visual arts - I didn't mean any harm. I do however know a little bit of music theory and I tried to make Edward's lesson as understandable as possible...but I'm just terrible at explaining things. Anyways, please enjoy :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twelve:<strong>

**Distractions**

Following an unbelievably delightful weekend with Carlisle at home for those few days, it seemed almost harder for Esme to watch him leave for work on Monday morning, and every morning that week.

Edward had been quite reserved for the first part of the week – reading and studying. He had hinted to Carlisle and Esme that he wanted to attend school the following year, claiming that his control was becoming as good as he had hoped for and that lessons at the local college would be good for him.

Esme was stuck busying herself around the house in order to keep her thoughts from drifting to Carlisle every few seconds. She dusted the house, cleaned the windows, tidied the various messes of books and papers lying around and swept the front and back porches. After that she would go up to her library and read...but that could only hold her attention for ten minutes at the least before she would begin to wonder what Carlisle was doing. She would close her book and take out her paints, painting whatever image struck her with inspiration...but she could only focus on that for an hour at the most before she had to stop herself from painting Carlisle's smoldering golden eyes into the sun or his fair hair into the fields. One morning, she had become so distracted by the image of Carlisle in her imagination that she had accidentally began painting the outline of his face onto the canvas before realizing what she had done and pitching it as she succumbed to her embarrassment – even if no one had seen it...well, at least not in person.

Fortunately, Edward hadn't paid much attention to that incident and never brought it up; only smirking faintly when she descended the stairs later. He must have been used to her constant obsession with the saintly doctor.

On Thursday morning, after Carlisle had left, Edward bounded up the stairs and knocked lightly on Esme's door before inviting himself in.

"All right, you need a distraction." Edward sighed as he flopped down on the unused bed in the room, folding his hands behind his head as he frowned up at the ceiling. "And so do I," he added as an afterthought. "I've been researching different subjects for the past few days almost non-stop."

"What should we do?" Esme asked, eyeing the oncoming storm out the window. Going outside probably wasn't an option.

Edward pursed his lips as he thought. "Why don't you teach me how to paint?" He suggested. "Or draw, if that would be easier."

"Don't you think you've done enough learning in the past week?" Esme teased lightly, though she was already pulling out her supplies.

"Then how about I teach you to play the piano in return?" He offered.

"I'd love that." Esme smiled. "Now where would you like to start?"

"I think drawing would be the best place to begin...all I need is a pencil and some paper." He got up and took one of Esme's sketchpads and the pencil in her hands, smiling. He flipped through the sketchbook and smirked when he came across one page. "I should have guessed." He murmured, chuckling to himself as he showed Esme the page, raising an eyebrow in question.

"I was...inspired." Esme bit her lip as she looked at the half-finished picture of Carlisle when they had climbed the tree.

"Of course you were," Edward breathed as he turned to a fresh page. He rubbed his chin as his eyes grew distant and Esme guessed that he was trying to figure out what he wanted to draw. His eyes roamed the room, settling on the window. He said a quiet "ah ha" before touching the pencil to the paper.

He scribbled furiously as he tried to capture the gloomy scene outside. Esme was impressed by his intensity and focus, but worried that he might be frustrated if he wasn't able to get the picture right on the page.

"Viola!" Edward exclaimed as his scribbling stilled. "C'est fini!" He turned the page around to Esme and she couldn't help but laugh.

"How...original," Esme tried to come up with a kind enough adjective to describe his piece of art.

Edward had drawn the scene outside in a rush – with a few trees with stick-like trunks and a billow of leaves with clouds overhead that looked like cotton candy.

"All right, hmm..." Esme folded her arms and bit her lip. "Well, now that you've drawn your first draft...maybe go over it again so you can improve upon it before you paint."

Edward nodded seriously before he turned back to his picture.

About half an hour later, he revealed his new sketch to Esme, and this time, she was much more pleased.

The trees and clouds had been drawn with more detail and care and he had added little bits of grass and dirt from the yard below. All in all, it was a much better sketch than he had drawn before.

"Are you ready to start painting?" Esme asked. Edward nodded and walked over to the fresh canvas Esme had set up while Edward had redone his picture.

"So...how do we start?" Edward asked, scratching the back of his head.

"Well, first choose the colours and brushes you want to use." Esme pointed to the array of supplies laid out on her dresser.

Edward's brow furrowed as he decided what to use before picking up a large brush and a base colour.

"Now what?" He asked; a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"Paint," Esme gestured to the canvas.

"That's it?" Edward asked in disbelief.

"Well, I can't really teach you _how _to paint. I mean, there are basic rules, but does a true artist ever really follow the rules?"

"How poetic," Edward smiled before turning to the blank sheet in front of him. He sighed and dipped his brush in the colour before stroking the canvas cautiously. He repeated the same thing a few more times before he began to relax a little.

After the picture had begun to take shape, Edward put his brush in the glass of water and turned to Esme, wiping his hands on the rag that Esme had set out.

"How about I teach you how to play the piano now?" He offered.

"Sure," she smiled as Edward strolled towards the door, opening it and gesturing for Esme to go first.

They were seated on the bench in front of the piano half a second later and Edward brushed his hands fondly against the keys. He smiled as he played a few notes, already lost in the music.

Shaking his head slightly, he recalled what his purpose was and turned to Esme.

"Now should I just teach you a song or should I throw in a little theory to go with it?" Edward asked. His voice seemed absent and Esme guessed that he was mostly talking to himself.

"It doesn't matter to me, as long as I'm distracted." Esme shrugged.

"All right, theory it is, then." Edward announced. "That should definitely take up some of your concentration."

Esme giggled lightly before Edward called her attention. So he was one of those 'no nonsense' teachers.

Edward smirked before pulling out a sheet of blank staff paper and a pencil. He quickly drew quarter notes on all the lines and spaces along with a few notes under the lines before adding what looked to be a strange 'G" shape at the beginning.

"Now, this is a treble clef, it is used to indicate the pitch of the notes." Edward pointed to the symbol. "Instruments like the trumpet, clarinet, flute and violin use this clef. The notes are as follows – C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F – those are all the notes on the lines and spaces, along with some of the lower ledger lines."

Esme nodded, trying to look as if she understood what he was saying.

"Just tell me if I'm going too fast," Edward smiled. "Now, here's the bass clef." On another row of lines, he drew in more quarter notes along with another odd symbol at the beginning in which he referred to as the 'bass clef'. Again, he named a few instruments that used the clef and what the names of the notes were.

He taught her a little more theory – to which she was only half-paying attention to – before beginning to teach her a song.

"How about _Marry Had a Little Lamb." _Edward suggested. "It's extremely simple." He played the notes for her, using only his forefinger to press the keys while he called out the note names. "Now you try – it should be easy considering that you have a perfect memory."

Esme turned to the keys and played the notes exactly as Edward had, grinning when she played it perfectly.

"Now how about a different song?" Edward suggested, "Why not..._Chopsticks?_"

Edward placed both hands on the keys and began playing. Esme frowned when she saw that he used two hands to play two separate parts – one to play the melody and another to play the bass.

"However fast you play with your left hand will determine how fast you play with your right hand." Edward said.

He began to play the waltz with a goofy grin on his lips, swaying his head from side to side. Esme giggled as she watched him act like the boy he was, not the teacher he was trying to be.

"Now you try." Edward encouraged.

"I won't be able to play as well as you." Esme smiled timidly.

"Well, we've got forever to practice, and just try the right hand part first and then just the left hand part, and then combine them together."

"All right..." Esme trailed off as she turned to the keys.

They spent the entire afternoon at the piano – Edward's unfinished painting forgotten. Esme had managed to learn the entire right and left hand parts perfectly on their own, but was still struggling with putting them together.

She was so focussed on trying to play the song perfectly that she almost didn't hear Carlisle come into the house. But her ears were so attuned to everything the man did, so she lifted her head almost automatically when she heard the door close and a sigh escape his lips as droplets of water landed on the floor. Esme glanced out the window to see that it had begun raining.

"It looks like it's raining cats and dogs." Edward called.

"It feels as though a bucket of water has been poured down on us. I'm absolutely soaked." Esme could hear a frown in the doctor's voice.

She had wanted to see what the rain had done to him, but he darted upstairs before Esme could get out of her seat.

Edward placed a hand on her shoulder, sitting her back down. She realized that she had indeed stood up. The boy raised an eyebrow and sighed, and all Esme could do was smile sheepishly and offer a mental apology.

"It's all right," Edward assured quietly. "Now, come on, you've almost got it."

Esme tried once more to play the song with both hands, but now that Carlisle was home, her concentration had been thrown out the window.

"_The Celebrated Chop Waltz_," Carlisle smiled as he entered the room, "Written in the late 1800s."

Of course he knew when it had first been written, he had probably been there when the composer had touched their pen to the paper.

"Yes, Esme's been trying to learn it." Edward told him.

"I have both parts perfectly on their own, but I can't seem to play it right with both of them together." Esme frowned.

Carlisle stepped forward and placed his forefingers on the keys, playing the melody flawlessly while his fingers chopped away. Esme giggled and began playing the left hand part. Together they played in perfect harmony. As soon as the song had ended the first time, Carlisle retrieved Esme's right hand and placed it on the keys before placing his hand over hers.

He pressed her fingers down and began playing the melody while he motioned for Esme to play the other part again. She laughed as his fingers moved hers like a puppeteer controls his puppet. Everyone was laughing when the song had finished again.

"See, you did it!" Carlisle exclaimed as he removed his hand.

"You moved my fingers for me," Esme laughed.

"But your hand was touching the keys," he countered light-heartedly before turning to Edward. "There are other ways of teaching, son."

"Why didn't I think of that?" Edward was asking himself.

"Have you been sitting at the piano all day?" Carlisle asked.

"No," Esme said glancing at the clock in the corner. "But we have been here for quite a while...I was teaching Edward to paint before we came in here."

"Where is your painting, dear boy?" Carlisle asked.

"Upstairs. It's not finished, but I can show you if you like." Edward stood as Carlisle nodded. "Wait here."

Edward ducked out of the room, throwing a glance at Esme as he left.

Carlisle sighed as he sat down next to Esme on the bench, rubbing his eyes before resting an elbow on the top of the piano and leaning his head against his palm. He closed his eyes briefly, breathing deeply.

"Long day?" Esme guessed.

"Longer than you would believe." He sighed, opening his eyes.

"Tell me about it," Esme said quietly, peeking up at him.

"Well, it was just a normal day," Carlisle shrugged. "Patients passing on as always and stresses of surgeries and tiring conversations with patients' loved ones, telling them that their husband or wife or son or daughter won't be able to make it...those conversations never get any easier."

Esme could only imagine how stressful those particular conversations might be, especially for a man as caring as Carlisle.

"I also missed you... and Edward more today." He said quietly.

She hadn't missed how he had added on Edward's name a second late.

"We miss you as well, Carlisle." Esme placed a hand on his.

A tired smile drifted across his lips. "Edward doesn't miss me."

"You don't know that. He thinks of you as his father, Carlisle."

"Well, he had never been close with his biological father. Besides, not all sons miss their fathers...speak of the devil, what is taking Edward so long?"

"I've decided to finish my painting before you see it," Edward called from upstairs. "I'll be down in a little while."

Carlisle chuckled and shook his head, closing his eyes again.

"Don't you dare ever believe that no one misses you, Carlisle," Esme said quietly yet intensely."I'll bet all the nurses miss you when you're away." She added on teasingly at the end, trying desperately to suppress the jealousy that raged when she uttered that sentence.

"I'd much rather be missed by you than those nurses. I would love to spend every day at home instead of being chased by them...alas; I enjoy my profession far too much to stay away for long."

"Do you ever feel temptation anymore?" Esme asked him curiously.

"I haven't in decades." He answered. "It took a lot of effort and struggle, but eventually I was able to work in close proximity to blood without feeling the need to attack everyone."

"How does that work? Can you still smell the scent?"

"Yes, I can smell just as much blood as you can, but I've...trained myself to put the scent in the back of my mind. I don't focus on it and suddenly I can concentrate on saving a patient's life instead of accidentally ending it because of what I am."

"You make it sound so easy," Esme half-groaned.

"I know I do, but believe me it took almost a century and a half to perfect it – you're still young, Esme, be patient. You are doing so well."

"It's just hard to imagine myself being able to resist the thirst."

"But you have already. Esme, you were able to go into town safely without hurting anyone." He smiled proudly.

"It was... painful," she sighed.

"Yes, but you accomplished it, nonetheless. Give yourself some credit – you're doing very well," he lowered his voice then. "Better than Edward did in his first _year._"

"I heard that," Edward called.

Carlisle chuckled and called back. "Hurry up with that painting, will you?"

"Now who needs patience?" Esme teased, raising an eyebrow.

Carlisle laughed and touched a finger to her chin, getting up from his place on the bench. Her skin felt hot where his hand had touched, something that seemed impossible with her skin so icy cold.

"Would you like to join me?" Carlisle asked politely, offering Esme his hand.

"Don't you think Edward will scold us for holding hands?" She teased, but took his hand eagerly. Esme would never deny the chance to hold Carlisle Cullen's hand.

"Well, let's hope he's too into his artwork to notice." Carlisle smiled as he led her up the stairs. Esme became aware of the fact that to someone else, they might have looked like young lovers minus the displays of affection.

"And Carlisle," Esme began timidly.

"Yes?"

"Don't be afraid to come and talk to me if your day hasn't been pleasant." She said with a shy smile.

"Only if you do the same if your day hasn't turned out well." He said with a smile of his own before turning towards the closed door. "Can we come in now, Edward?"

"I don't know, can you?" Edward asked teasingly.

Carlisle rolled his eyes while trying to suppress a grin. "_May _we come in?"

They waited at the door for a few more minutes in silence before Edward spoke. "...All right, you may come in now."

Carlisle opened the door and stepped inside, Esme following close behind. Edward was standing in front of his painting with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face.

"I present to you, my work of art." Edward stepped away, allowing his companions to behold the picture.

The painting hadn't been what Esme had been expecting. Instead of seeing the forest in front of the house, she instead saw that he had changed his mind and painted the meadow that Carlisle had taken her to so many months ago. It looked almost like she was looking out a window at the scenery.

Carlisle appeared to be just as blown away, for he stood like a statue with his mouth hanging open slightly, a grin forming on his lips.

"Do you like it?" Edward asked once they had been silent for a bit too long for his liking, his voice sounding a bit worried even if he could read what was in their thoughts.

"Edward...can I hang this on the wall in my study?" Carlisle asked.

Edward's mouth fell open, his surprise evident on his face. "O-of course...but, don't you reserve that wall for all the paintings that tell your story?"

"Is this not part of my story? I have been to that exact location. Besides..." he trailed off, silence filling the room. Esme stayed quiet as it looked as if the two were having a silent conversation.

A grin slowly formed on Edward's face as the silence dragged on.

"Well, then, it would be an honour to have my painting hanging on the wall with other great masterpieces." Edward said, bowing slightly which made Esme giggle. "But, it's not finished yet – I still have to paint a few more details...and then we have to wait awhile for it to dry. I'll give it to you tomorrow."

"Sounds good...would you like to go hunting, Esme, while Edward finishes up?"

"I'd love to." Esme smiled as Carlisle led her out of the room.

She felt content to hold Carlisle's hand for the rest of the night – it was almost a way of making it up to her while he had been away for the day, even if he didn't know it. Esme knew that she wouldn't be able to get that much hunting done with Carlisle's presence distracting her the whole time...but she didn't care, as long as he was with her, it didn't matter what happened.

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><p><strong>AN: So, I'm back from my trip to Columbus...well, it _was _only a weekend trip. I _adored _the city - it was unbelievably beautiful (mind you, I stayed mostly in the arena district) I saw a lot of farmland as I was on the highway just on the outskirts of town and that definetely helped alot with my image on what Esme's human life and home would have been like. **

**Edward is so surprised when Carlisle asks if he can hang his painting on the wall because I kind of think that all the paintings in his office would probably be paintings from very well established artists and for Edward to have one of his own paintings hanging beside the others would be an honour. **

**Reviews are always appreciated and let me know what you think :)**


	13. Lost

**A/N: All right, so I had this crazy idea in my mind for a few weeks now about something that would...trigger something else (I won't explain it too much because I don't want to spoil anything) Yes, I am aware of the fact that it is a crazy idea...but please don't hurt me. I am also aware of the fact that Esme would be much stronger than Edward but given the situation, I believe that Edward would find an inner strength to hold Esme back. Please enjoy :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter Thirteen:<strong>

**Lost**

The weather continued to get colder every day – there would be frost on the windows and on the grass in the mornings, the wind would blow violently in the afternoons, and wet snow would fall in the evenings.

Edward had given Carlisle his painting and the week went on enjoyably. Esme found that after a week of Carlisle being at work all day, it seemed more pleasant when he was home. Edward had told her that 'absence was making her heart grow fonder' and that seemed to be the only explanation.

Another week had passed, and Carlisle decided he would take Friday off to begin the weekend early.

Esme and he were sitting in his study while Edward was out hunting. The mood had been light until Carlisle spotted Edward running towards the house.

"What in the world?" Carlisle asked himself, his voice incredulous.

Esme raced to the window to see that Edward was carrying something in his arms, wrapped in his jacket. It looked like...was Edward carrying a woman?

The backdoor swung shut as Edward entered the house. His footsteps were hasty and his breath was quicker than usual...there was also a very faint heartbeat from where he was standing.

"Carlisle," Edward called in a broken voice. Carlisle seemed to be frozen. "Carlisle!" Edward called again.

Carlisle clutched Esme's hand and they both raced down the stairs. Esme held her breath as her throat burned. What was Edward doing?

"Edward, what...?" Carlisle asked, trailing off.

"I found her in the forest. She was walking around in circles, calling out someone's name when I saw her. She collapsed seconds later...can you do something? Can you help her?" Edward seemed almost frantic. His eyes burned with sadness.

"I-I...yes," Carlisle cleared his throat. "Put her down somewhere, Edward."

He brought the woman into the sitting room and lay her down on the couch, taking his jacket away.

"Are you in control?" Carlisle asked Esme, placing his hands on her shoulders.

"Don't worry about me, save her."

"I'll always worry about your wellbeing more than anyone else's." Carlisle said in a way that made Esme think it might have just slipped out of his mouth.

"Just save her." Esme told him. Her eyes drifted towards the woman. She was in a hospital gown – her face and arms bloody and bruised. Esme hated to think what might have happened to her. The blood that oozed from fresh wounds made venom flow into Esme's mouth, her throat burning as she tried to swallow. Just a taste...

"Oh no you don't," Edward said quickly as he wrapped his arms around Esme tightly, holding her back.

Esme thrashed in Edward's arms, flailing and clawing and even trying to bite him. She was gone by that time. The only thing she wanted was that blood, and she would stop at nothing to get it. She seemed to remember that it was easy enough for her to rip free of Edward's grip seeing that at the moment, she was much stronger than he was...but there was a sort of determination that came from him which made him find the strength to stop her from attacking.

A growl erupted from her chest as Edward held her even tighter.

"Let me go!" She hissed. "I need that blood!"

Carlisle was bent over the unconscious form, gingerly cleaning all her wounds and bandaging them.

"I know her," Carlisle's voice was dead. For a moment, Esme froze. She had never heard Carlisle sound so emotionless. It actually hurt to see him like that. "At least, I've seen her before."

"Where?" Edward whispered.

"She was a patient at the hospital. I passed by her as I was walking through the halls...I don't even know her name." Carlisle laid his hand on the woman's arm and jealousy flared in Esme's heart.

His cold touch made the woman shiver and she stirred slowly. Her eyes fluttered open, she looked tired and weak, yet a smile spread across her lips.

"Doctor Cullen?" She asked in a small voice. Edward cursed under his breath.

"What has happened to you, Miss?" Carlisle asked gently.

"Where is my Jane?" She asked. "Where has that nurse taken my Jane?"

If Esme had been frozen before, now she was absolutely immobile. A lump had formed in her throat and she felt her face contorting in anguish. Sobs erupted from her chest as the woman repeatedly asked Carlisle where her daughter was. Esme waited for tears to fall from her eyes as she cried, but they never came – another downside to being a vampire.

"Where is...Jane...Doctor...Cullen?" She asked again and again growing more and more lethargic by the second, her heartbeat slowing dangerously.

"Can you please tell me what has happened?" Carlisle asked.

"She's gone," the woman said sadly. "That's the last thing I had." Her eyes slipped shut and Carlisle dabbed her forehead with a wet close.

"Stay with me now, Miss." Carlisle demanded. "Can you tell me what has happened?"

The woman seemed to be off in another world, staring happily up at Carlisle like he was her guardian angel. Esme remembered how she had stared up at him the same way when he had saved her. It was like déjà-vu, her story happening all over again to this poor helpless woman.

"What has happened?" Carlisle asked again, softer.

"She's like me." Esme spoke in a cold voice. "She has the exact same story."

Carlisle, who had turned his attention to Esme, looked back towards the human. His eyes were filled with agony and sadness.

"It is my time now," she smiled slightly. "Just don't let Thomas ever get to my Jane." Her heartbeat was too slow and she slipped into unconsciousness again.

"Do something!" Esme cried, her chest shaking with sobs. Edward held her tighter and she thrashed against him again. Carlisle was looking between the woman and Esme, his eyes frantic, his mouth open in shock. For once, he didn't know what to do. "For God's sake, Carlisle, do something!"

"I can't." Carlisle stated quietly. But Esme wouldn't take that as an answer, she didn't want this woman to die from a life the same way hers had been.

"Carlisle, please!"

"I can't."

"You have to save her!"

"Esme, I can't."

"Bite her –"

"Her heartbeat is too weak."

"Turn her – you have to do something!" Esme continued to cry while Carlisle quietly repeated that he couldn't do anything. "Make her one of us!"

"For Heaven's sake, Esme, I can't!" He yelled. "Her heart is beating too slowly!"

Esme stopped talking. She stopped moving and for the moment, her sobs had been shocked out of her. Edward dropped his arms as well, just as equally shocked at having heard Carlisle raise his voice. Even Carlisle stood wide-eyed at what he had just done.

"Esme," he reached out his hand, his eyes burning with apologies.

Esme backed away, her expression terrified. No one had yelled at her like that since...since she had been human.

"Please." Carlisle begged. But Esme just shook her head as she backed away, stepping out the backdoor.

She turned and bounded down the porch steps. She could hear Carlisle's footsteps right behind her and wasn't too surprised when he clutched her hand, though she flinched slightly. He turned her to face him.

"Don't go," he begged.

"I'm sorry," she shook her head.

"Esme –"

The devil seemed to take over her actions as she jerked her hand out of his and pushed him away violently. Her newborn strength sent him flying back and onto the grass a few yards away.

She didn't look back to see his expression; instead, she sprinted into the forest, letting her fear and anger and anguish carry her on. Esme never wanted to go back to that house.

She ran for hours and hours, terrified that Carlisle would find her and yell at her again. Esme had never heard her kind doctor raise his voice, ever, and seeing him angry – _hearing _the anger in his voice – had frightened her to no end.

His perfect composure had slipped, his calm persona faltered, and now Esme had seen that Carlisle was not the perfect man she had thought him to be. Even if he was a vampire, he was still more human than _anyone _she had ever known. After this, she realized that like everyone, Carlisle could succumb to his emotions. He was not the angel she had always adored, but a man who made mistakes, who sometimes made irrational decisions, and could slip up just as much as the next person. Doctor Cullen had been someone who she had compared to holy beings...now she saw that there was no such thing – Doctor Cullen was but a frivolous daydream. Carlisle was real; and seeing him flustered and upset and angry had only confirmed that there really was no such thing as perfect Doctor Cullen.

She stopped running when the sun was setting, slowing down to a walk in the middle of the woods. She didn't know where she was, or what direction she had run in. All she knew was that she was sad, frightened, in the woods, and lost – not just physically, but mentally as well; she didn't know what to do.

Esme had left in such haste that she hadn't put on a coat...or shoes for that matter. She wasn't cold, and she couldn't get cold, but the novelty of bundling up comforted her and made her feel safe.

She stopped completely and sank down; leaning against a tree as she wrapped her arms around her legs and laid her head against her knees.

_You're all right. _Esme told herself. _You just need time to think._

And so she did – she thought about anything and everything, re-evaluating her entire life. She was surprised at just how important Carlisle had been – he seemed to be the center of her attention in just about everything. Oh what a fool she had been for believing that nothing could ever mar his saintly aura.

She thought about all the human memories she could remember – her mostly enjoyable childhood, her parents growing sterner as she became a teenager, pressuring her into a marriage she did not want. She remembered how she had hated Charles after everything he had done –

A twig snapped somewhere and Esme's head shot up. She quickly scanned her surroundings, looking for any sign of an animal or Edward and Carlisle. She was able to locate where the sound was coming from when the leaves started to crunch.

She zeroed in on a man strolling through the woods, looking around. What was he doing here? As she looked at him closely, she saw that he had a strange shade of russet coloured hair and fair skin just like Charles had...

Esme was suddenly on her feet and stalking silently towards him. Bloodlust and hatred came over her, becoming more powerful with each step. The man who had abused her would die tonight and no one was here to stop her from attacking.

She kept a distance as she followed him through the forest, hiding quickly when he had paused to look around as if he had heard something. Esme held her breath as she waited for him to continue walking.

The sun was almost completely set and darkness settled around them.

He had stopped once again, nervousness radiating from his body as he looked around again, but this time, Esme did not hide. Instead, she lunged for him, bringing him to the ground.

He had smashed his head against a rock and was lying unconscious on the forest floor, bleeding. She snapped his neck and brought her mouth down to his throat, her teeth penetrating the skin and sinking deeper until blood flowed into her mouth.

She had never tasted the blood of a human, and now that she had, she found it impossible to stop from feeding. It was far better than any of the animals she had ever hunted. _This _blood sated her thirst, completely driving away the burning in her throat. As she swallowed huge mouthfuls of blood, she couldn't understand why Carlisle had never taken a humans life to feed. How could he not feed on such a heavenly meal?

As the blood flow slowed down, an unpleasant feeling flooded Esme's stomach. This didn't feel right. The blood was glorious...but it was blood from the man she hated. How could she feed on someone so vile? She hadn't wanted to see him again let alone taste a vital component of bodily function.

Feeling disgusted with herself, she forced herself to tear her mouth away from the flesh. She growled at the loss of blood in her mouth but was glad that it hadn't taken that much effort to stop feeding.

She stood up and lightly kicked at his body which turned over as her foot nudged it. He fell on his back, his eyes open and glossy and she gasped in absolute horror.

Even if her memory had been tarnished by the vampire venom, she still remembered Charles' dark eyes...but the eyes of this man were light blue...and the hair she had thought was a russet colour was actually a chocolate brown colour. This man had not been Charles. She had not killed a fiend...but an innocent man. She looked down to see that he had been holding a gun in his hand – he had been out hunting.

Esme choked on a sob and covered her mouth with her hands. What had she done? She was a disgrace – a monster. She really was a vampire in the worst sense – taking the blood that she needed and giving nothing in return.

The glossy eyes of the man stared up at her and she sobbed even harder, turning him over so he lay on his stomach.

"I'm so sorry," she cried before turning and running away, deeper into the never-ending forest. The sun had fully set and darkness settled around her, the sounds of wildlife scared her even if nothing could hurt her. She squinted to see despite having perfect eyesight; she stumbled and tripped despite her perfect balance. She was lost and she needed to be found.

She stopped suddenly when the forest ended; almost falling off the cliff she had come to.

As she looked around, memories suddenly flooded her mind. This was the same cliff she had jumped off of when she was a human. The exact place she had decided to end her life after her son's had ended. The one place she had gone to when there had been no other escape...but she couldn't escape this time – she was indestructible.

She sank to the ground and wrapped her arms around her knees, rocking back and forth as she sobbed even harder. She hated that she could never form tears again, she hated that her heart could never beat and that her skin could never feel heat or coldness the same way – how everything used to feel different instead of silky and soft against her frozen fingers. But even if she hated all these things...she realized that she could never hate the one who had turned her. She would never be able express enough gratitude to the one who had saved her.

She realized that she had never really wanted to die – she wanted to be saved by someone who thought her to be worth saving – saved from her memories, from her fear, from her life, from everything. Carlisle had been the one to save her.

Esme had never really thought about the reasons why she loved Carlisle. She had just assumed that they were destined to be together. Maybe it was the way his eyes burned with a loving intensity, or the way his fair hair seemed to glow in the sunlight. Maybe it was from the gentleness he used when handling just about everything, or the way he almost always remained calm. She knew that there was much more to learn about Carlisle that she needed to know...but she now realized that she didn't love him for his looks or the way he carried himself, but she loved him because he had been the one to save her from herself; the one who had spoken to her patiently when she acted irrationally; the one who had always helped her and cared for her. She laughed at herself for running away from him the day before. He had been calm for so long that a part of her wondered when he would snap...and he never had until she kept telling him to save that woman. He had been flustered and shocked and all she had done was yell at him as well. It was only fair that he lose his composure. At the time, it had terrified her, partly because his response had been so uncalled for; now that she looked back on it, it hadn't seemed that bad – she had gone through far worse.

Esme sat on the cliff through the night hours, rocking back and forth as her sobs eventually subsided. She remembered the man who had been so unfortunate. How could she tell Carlisle...or even Edward for that matter what she had done?

The sun didn't rise in the morning – instead, a thick layer of clouds plastered the sky, passing gloomily overhead as it poured its contents on the earth below. By early morning, Esme was completely soaked, but she felt nothing. She was numb as she stared out onto the landscape. She longed for Carlisle's warm embrace; his strong hand around hers as he held it tightly. She longed to see Edward's signature smirk or hear his sarcastic and harsh sense of humour. They had become family to her in the few months she had lived with them – whether that meant brother and sister or mother and son; husband and wife or close cousins.

Esme knew she needed to go back eventually. She could never and would never be able to leave them. She loved her family too much...but she didn't want to just go home – she wanted someone to find her. She decided that she would wait a few more hours just to see if anyone _did _go looking for her, and if not, then she would return on her own. Surely with the senses of a vampire, finding where home was wouldn't be much of a problem.

The rain continued to fall as it reached mid-morning. She longed for the rain to turn into soft snow – Christmas would be on its way in a month and a few days. She didn't want to spend the holidays with green grass outside.

Feeling it was time to finally get to her feet, Esme took a deep breath. She prolonged the moment of calm before unwrapping her arms from around her legs.

Before she could get up, she heard rustling in the woods behind her. She turned her head and gasped as she saw Carlisle standing on the edge of the trees, gripping one of the trunks in his arm as he leaned against it; his eyes were already filled with apologies. He stood there silently, gazing at her. Esme had never felt happier to see him and her emotions once again began to get the best of her. His eyes widened slightly as he saw her eyes, but he didn't say anything.

She sat there for the longest time with her head turned to look back at his beautiful face. His golden hair seemed to be the sunlight on this gloomy day, his golden eyes smoldering as he held her gaze in his. His shoulders were slumped slightly and his lips were set in a slight frown.

Esme took another deep breath and slowly got up to her feet, turning completely to face him. She stayed where she was, not moving as they stared at each other. His lips parted as he prepared to speak.

"Esme –" he began but he didn't have time for more.

They met each other halfway, crashing lightly into each other's embrace. She had all but run into his arms as soon as he had opened them, releasing his grip from the tree.

Her body once again shook with sobs as her emotions got the better of her once again, and she clung onto him for dear life; her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, holding him as close as she could. She buried her head in his shirt and willed herself to believe that he was actually holding her.

Esme realized that Carlisle's body was shaking slightly too. She could hear his quiet sobs as his head bent close to her ear.

"Thou wilt never understandeth how sorrowful I may be, but wilt thou prithee forgivest me?" Carlisle whispered brokenly, his accent heavier than usual as he spoke in a tongue common to his human years.

Esme nodded frantically, sobbing even harder at how romantic his words had sounded.

"Yes, Carlisle," she cried. "Yes, I forgive you."

He hugged her even tighter as they both sobbed in each other's arms. Esme couldn't remember the last time she had cried so much. She didn't think she had ever allowed herself to become so vulnerable.

"I should have never lost my temper like that." Carlisle whispered sadly. "I don't know what came over me. As soon as I saw how scared you looked, I regretted everything that had come out of my mouth. Esme, you don't know how worried I was about you."

"I'm here," she reassured him, trying to hold back another round of sobs. Carlisle started to shake again, too, and she pulled away slightly, placing her palms against his cheeks before she could stop herself. "Carlisle, I'm here; I'm safe."

He calmed down as he gazed into her eyes – they both did. He seemed to be searching for something in her eyes...

"Oh, Esme, I have failed you." He bowed his head.

"No." Esme said forcefully. "Carlisle Cullen don't you ever say that. You could never fail me. This was my doing and my own fault."

"How did it happen?" He asked quietly; timidly.

"There was a man walking through the woods and I mistook him for... someone else. By the time I had finished feeding and I found out it wasn't who I had originally thought it to be, I felt wretched."

"You mistook him for... Charles." It wasn't a question, and he added on the vile man's name at the end in a whisper as if it would offend Esme if he said his name out loud.

Esme nodded slightly and took a deep breath. "To be honest, I felt completely lost after that – like everything had been taken away from me."

"You are not lost, Esme. I'll guide you."

Esme took another deep breath to suppress the sobs that threatened to come forth again.

"The only question is: will you follow me?"

"Always," Esme promised.

He parted his lips as if to speak and smiled sadly. "Promise me that you won't run away if anything ever happens again – God forbid. It is better to talk things through."

Esme nodded. It wasn't the healthiest thing for her to be away from Carlisle. She realized that her hands were still on his face and smiled sheepishly, ducking her head as her arms fell to her sides. Carlisle released her from his embrace but took one of her hands in his.

"We should probably go home. Edward's missed you as well." Carlisle smiled.

That warmed Esme's heart and she returned his smile, though there was something still nagging at her.

She looked back out across the landscape as Carlisle tugged on her hand lightly.

"Carlisle, I..." she trailed off, her courage floating away on the wind. "Er, never mind."

"What's troubling you?" Carlisle asked, his expression turning to one of concern.

"Nothing," she shook her head, looking at her feet. When she peeked up at him, his eyebrows were raised. He wasn't buying it. "Another day," she told him, which was enough to make him sigh. She would tell him the moment her courage came hurdling back at her.

"All right," he sighed and shook his head. "If you do not want to talk about it, I will respect your wishes. But, please don't be afraid to confide in me, Esme."

"It is a part of my past that is troubling me..." she said absently.

"That you aren't yet ready to tell." Carlisle finished her sentence. "Esme, I understand." His expression lightened in reassurance. "Take your time."

Esme smiled up at Carlisle. Something about him was different...or maybe it was the way she looked at him now. Carlisle was no longer the perfect angel she had daydreamt of. He wasn't _Doctor Cullen _to her anymore...but that did not change her feelings for him. Carlisle wasn't an angel or a saint, but he was the kindest and most understanding _man _she had ever met. He kept a calm and composed exterior, but he could be brash and fiery and angry.

Esme knew now that she loved him – for she had seen Carlisle angry, yet she still needed him like the ocean needs a tide; like the river needs a shore. Edward's statement rung clear in her mind as she walked hand in hand with Carlisle back into the forest:

"_Are you willing to spend even the worst moments of your life by his side – through the hard times and the arguments and disagreements and annoyances?"_ Yes, Esme would spend even the worst times by his side, not just because she loved him, but because she _needed _him. If she was by his side, nothing else would matter.

Esme glanced up at Carlisle and smiled; her courage gathering with each step; her heart swelling with each beat. For the moment, she had forgotten all about her worries. Why? Because Carlisle was by her side.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, Esme has _finally _realized that Carlisle isn't perfect and like all people, he slips up too (though I wouldn't really say getting angry once is a flaw...) And I will have them talk about this in the next chapter, I won't just leave their conversation at that...and no, Esme won't be fully over what has happened just yet. The only reason why she seems happier at the end of this chapter is because 1) She is with Carlisle again and 2) she has pushed everything in the back of her mind at the moment and bottled left over emotions up in order to feel numb from the stressful situation she just had to endure. Let me know what you think and I'll be back next week.**


	14. New Beginning

**Chapter Fourteen:**

**New Beginning**

Reality seemed to catch up to Esme as she walked into the house, Edward's eyes widening as he saw her.

"Esme, your..." he trailed off, pointing to his own eyes. "You..."

A terrible feeling began to form in her stomach, making her feel sick. "Edward, I'm sorry."

"_I _should be the one who's sorry – sorry that you had to go through that." He frowned and looked at his feet, shoving his hands in his pockets. "It's just nice to have you back."

"I was only gone for the night." She attempted to tease, but her voice sounded strained.

"I'm not used to you being gone _ever._" Edward admitted awkwardly.

Esme stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the boy. He returned the embrace but shied away a few seconds later.

Esme looked around the room, surprised that everything seemed to be normal. What had they done with...?

"I, uh, slipped her into the hospital." Edward murmured. "Don't worry, the scent is gone."

Again, her stomach twisted in knots, making her feel sick. Carlisle took one of her hands in his and squeezed it slightly. Esme flinched at his touch, feeling uneasy.

"If you'll just excuse me," she said quietly before she fled from the room, sprinting up the stairs and into her room, locking the door behind her. She made it that far before breaking down, sinking to the floor in a heap of sobs.

She had killed a human – an innocent human – a man who had a family, a family that loved him dearly; a wife and children, a mother and father. He had been a young man too – one who had his whole life ahead of him, and she had ended that because she had mistaken him as the man she hated with everything she had. They hadn't even _looked _similar. It was her own repulsive mind convincing her that the man had been Charles. It was her anger and fearfulness that had caused her to attack...and she could never take back the mistake she had made. A human life was more precious than she had ever thought it to be – once it was gone, there was no getting it back...

Esme realized just how foolish she had been in the last few moments of her human life. Of course, she hadn't a thing left to live for...but life was precious, and she had decided to end it. What would have happened if Carlisle hadn't saved her? She wouldn't have the life that she had now. She would have never seen Carlisle again; she would have never met Edward...but she also wouldn't have taken that poor man's life.

There was a light knock on the door. "Esme?" Carlisle's lovely voice asked from the other side of the wood. But, she didn't answer. Instead, she sank deeper into the depths of her depression and the fact that she would never be able to take back the terrible mistake she had made.

Carlisle stayed home for the first few days of the week, waiting for Esme to emerge. He never moved from his place on the top of the stairs as the days wore on, even after Edward's attempts to move him. Esme imagined Carlisle sitting as still as a statue as Edward tried to pry him from his seat and get him to move. Both of them seemed to be frozen.

The clock chimed eight o'clock for the eighth time, and Esme realized that she had stayed frozen in the exact same place for four days. She listened to the sounds in the house and realized that Carlisle hadn't moved for four days either.

Esme was drained and worn out. She wished she could just curl up and fall asleep if only for a few minutes to escape everything, but sleep was impossible for her now.

A ringing came from somewhere and Esme raised her head as she heard Edward speak. She realized that it had been the telephone.

"Yes, all right," Edward said. "He's on his way."

The boy sighed as he put the phone down, his footsteps getting closer as he mounted the stairs.

"All right, Carlisle, you need to get to work." Edward said. "Come on."

"I can't." Carlisle said quietly.

"Of course you can, now get going before they come _here _and find you. Everyone probably hates when you're away, now come on – you've got a family to provide for."

Carlisle sighed. "I'll only be gone for a few hours..." Carlisle said absently, his voice a little louder as if he were talking to her. There was silence and then the sound of something hitting stone. "Ouch!"

"Hurry up. I told them you were already on your way; don't make a liar out of me."

"All right, all right," Carlisle murmured quickly.

There was the sound of shifting weight and footsteps descending the stairs before the door shut a few seconds later.

Esme sat back as she listened to the motor of the car become more and more distant, the loneliness sinking deeper the farther Carlisle went.

She chose this time to move again, standing slowly and stepping out into the hallway. She drifted down the stairs and joined Edward in the parlor.

He was watching the rain fall from the window, his hands in his pockets and his stance relaxed.

"So, you've decided to come out." Edward said, his gaze still fixed on the rain. Esme didn't say anything; instead, she moved closer and stood by his side. "Four days is a long time to trouble over something."

"But I...killed someone." She whispered, peeking up at him.

"Yes, Esme, and I've killed people, too." He said without any hesitation, without any sign of regret. "I killed more people in my first month than you have in _six._"

"He had a life – a family and friends." She could feel the tears come forth again and she blinked rapidly to fight back the tears that would never come.

"You don't know that," Edward sighed. "For all you know he could be a...a hermit, or a thief – he could be the lowest in society."

"And you don't know that either." Esme murmured, looking at the floor.

"What I mean is, there are certain things in life that you just need to let go of. You _are _a vampire after all, and a vampire's nature is to kill humans. You've done better than any newborn that has been raised to hunt humans. Esme, don't focus on the fact that you've done what a vampire is supposed to do, but focus on the fact that in the first year of your newborn life, you've had far better control than quite a few vampires who have hunted humans their entire existence." He took a deep breath at the end of his little speech, having spoken with intensity.

Esme stared up at Edward, shocked. She realized that Edward could offer her something that Carlisle could not – empathy. As funny as that sounded considering the fact that Carlisle was one of the most empathetic and compassionate people in existence, it was true. Edward could offer her empathy in this because he had killed humans, too. Carlisle had not. Edward could relate to what she was going through and help her through it, whereas Carlisle could only offer her understanding to an extent as he had never tasted the blood of a human.

Edward chuckled. "So I'm better than him in one thing at least." Esme couldn't help but giggle, too. "I'm just glad I can help."

And he did help her through it. They spent the rest of the day talking about it, and Esme felt comfortable spilling out everything she had been feeling. She might be in love with Carlisle, but she found that she was much more formal with him. With Edward, it was like a really close friendship, or a close family member. She could completely be herself.

She hadn't realized that the sun had gone down until she heard the front door open. She and Edward stood as Carlisle walked into the room.

"Good evening," Carlisle smiled kindly.

"Good evening, Carlisle." Esme bowed her head slightly before excusing herself from the room. As much as it hurt her to leave him, she knew that even if she stayed, her emotions would come hurtling back at her.

She heard murmurs as she climbed the stairs, but she didn't pay too much attention to their conversation. She ventured to her library, wanting to lose herself in a book in order to forget about the troubles of her life.

The weeks wore on and a routine began to settle in. The weather remained gloomy and every morning after Carlisle left for work, Esme would come out of her library and find Edward. She enjoyed the comfort she felt around the boy, and soon enough, comfort became more desirable than anything else.

She hated the fact that she never saw Carlisle anymore, but she had gotten so used to this new routine that it was hard to stop. Old habits die hard.

Carlisle never spoke up, either. Instead, he let her do as she pleased and never sought out her company. He kept to himself most of the time, only rarely speaking to Edward during the evening. He would lock himself up in his study just like Esme would lock herself in her library.

Someone had to give eventually.

It was Wednesday morning, four weeks after the incident, when something finally changed. Edward was out hunting for the day so it was only Carlisle in the house with Esme.

Knowing that he would probably spend his day in his study like usual, Esme stepped out into the hallway, quietly padding along the carpet and sneaking past the door of his study to venture downstairs. She had just touched down on the main floor when she heard his voice.

"Esme," he called. It was the first time in weeks she had heard him speak to her directly.

Esme froze where she was and waited for him to speak again – that lovely tenor voice that she realized she had missed so dearly. Maybe it had just been here imagination.

"Esme," he called again, a little louder.

Esme raced up the stairs and stopped at his study, opening the door slightly and peeking in.

Carlisle's gaze was already fixed upon her face as she opened the door. He was sitting behind his desk, his chin resting on his fingers as they formed a steeple. A smile drifted across his face. Esme lingered by the door, folding her hands behind her back.

"Please, come in." Carlisle gestured to the chair opposite of him on the other side of the desk.

Esme walked into the room, closing the door behind her. She padded across the carpet and sat down in one of the chairs. Her eyes wandered around the room, knowing that she would lose her train of thought if she were to lock eyes with him.

"I haven't seen you in weeks," he said. "I fear as though you are avoiding me...have I done a dishonour?"

Esme sighed. The way he spoke sometimes just wasn't fair.

"It's not you." She said, keeping her eyes on the bookshelves to her left. "I am...upset at what I have done."

"But you talk to Edward." He stated. "You only hide when I'm around."

"Edward can relate to my problems."

"Can he now?"

"Yes, he knows the feeling of what it is like to kill a human. He has been helping me through my sadness."

"But you are still too sad to ever see me." Carlisle assumed, his voice falling. "Why do you not seek my counsel?" He asked timidly.

"Carlisle, you've never killed anyone before."

"I know," he sighed. "And I understand that Edward can help you where I cannot. Forgive me."

"You are forgiven." She said absently as she read the title on the spine of one of his books.

"Why dost thou not look at mine eyes?" He asked, speaking the old English flawlessly.

"Why do you speak like that sometimes?" She asked quietly, now turning her gaze to rest on her hands. It was an innocent question yet it somehow seemed so personal.

"Well, I...sometimes it just slips out. It's like my subconscious still remembers the words I used as a human."

"It sounds very natural when you speak like that...and romantic." She added quietly.

There was a long silence. Carlisle didn't reply, he didn't move, he just sat in silence. The only sounds in the room were their lungs working, the ticking of a clock, and the absent crackle of the flames in the fireplace.

Esme turned her head, giving in. His golden eyes were full of questions. His head was cocked to the side and he looked more tired than usual.

"What?" She asked self-consciously.

"I've never heard anyone say 'romantic'." Carlisle gave a breathy laugh. "Edward thinks it annoying when I speak like that, and I've made sure to speak...normally around humans." He got up and walked around his desk, standing in front of Esme and leaning back against the mahogany. He folded his arms and smirked, "Romantic, huh?" He asked quietly. "Maybe I should speak like that more often."

Esme smiled sheepishly. Although it would be nice to hear early modern English coming from his lips...it wasn't always the easiest thing to understand. "I'm sure the nurses would love that." She teased lightly.

Carlisle chuckled. "I'm not trying to impress those women."

All words had caught in Esme's throat after he had uttered those words.

"But I didn't invite you in here to discuss my speech patterns." Carlisle said quickly. "I wanted to see if I could help you past your sadness."

"That's very kind of you, Carlisle, but you've never killed anyone."

"I can offer sympathy." He said.

"But you cannot relate."

"To the feeling of killing another, no, I cannot relate. However, I have felt deep sadness the way you have. I just haven't been saddened by the same things you have."

"How am I feeling then, if you say you've experienced the same sadness?" She asked.

"You're feeling scared, alone, unworthy, depressed." He explained. "As much as I try to seem content, I was unbearably depressed not even a few years before."

"Why?"

"If I tell you, will you allow me to help you?" He asked.

"Yes," Esme breathed.

"I lived a very lonely existence before I found you and Edward. I lived for two hundred and fifty years alone. Of course, I met people along my travels, but I never stayed with anyone for long. Some days were worse than others – those were the days where I felt like I couldn't go on any longer. I felt unworthy of anyone's love – like no one would ever want to be my companion." He sighed and cleared his throat, his eyes filling with venom.

He closed his eyes and shook his head, getting up and striding over to the fireplace. He stared into the flames, his hands in his pockets.

"I apologize – it is hard for me to talk about those years." His voice broke on the last word. He took a deep breath and bowed his head. "Do you ever –" he turned his head to look at her briefly before looking back at the flames. "Do you ever get the feeling that you're alone even in a group of people? I must admit that I get that feeling all the time. Maybe it is because I have been alone for so long." He shrugged. "Even when I'm surrounded by people – coworkers, patients...even you and Edward, I still feel this unbelievable loneliness. Maybe because it feels as though the possibility of someone loving me – or even enjoying my company – is an impossibility. I'm afraid that loneliness will never go away, no matter how long I live."

Esme choked on her sobs. She got up from where she was seated and strode over to where Carlisle stood. She hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder. Esme didn't think of him as someone who was weak, if anything, he was the strongest person she knew. This just made him more _real._

"You never have to be alone again, Carlisle. I can't imagine why anyone would ever want to leave you. I'm not going anywhere." She promised. "And never feel like you're alone in _anything. _Believe me, I've been feeling just as helpless. After I killed that human, I felt lost. I had no idea what to do. I just shut down. I don't think I've ever felt so sad in my life...and after I saw that woman pass on..." she trailed off and shuttered, closing her eyes.

She felt Carlisle pull her close and they sat down on the couch in front of the fire. Carlisle held her as she calmed down, her face buried in his shirt. Once her sobs had subsided, she spoke again.

"You know what I find amazing?" Esme asked him.

"What do you find amazing, dear?" He asked, pulling back slightly to look into her eyes. Warmth spread through her as he used the term of endearment.

"You lived for two hundred years with no one – you were absolutely alone, but as soon as I was completely alone, I tried to destroy myself. Do you know how strong that makes you? You were able to fight through the worst fear of all – loneliness."

Carlisle stared at her; a smoldering intensity was burning in his eyes. He leaned closer to her slowly, opening his mouth slightly, letting out a breathless laugh. His sweet breath washed across her face, making Esme drunk from the sweetness. She laughed too, but not at the same thing he had. He was so close that if she leaned in a few more inches, she could touch her lips to his...yet he was so far at the same time that it almost physically hurt her.

"I invite you in here to attempt to comfort you, and you end up comforting me." Carlisle chuckled as he leaned his forehead against hers. Esme gasped as his skin made contact with hers. His eyes were closed and he breathed deeply. "I want to show you something."

"What is it?" She asked in a whisper, feeling breathless.

Carlisle leaned back and unwrapped his arms from around her. The loss of contact almost made her whimper. He was becoming more of a need than a want.

His hands moved up to his tie and he started to undo the knot, sliding it off his neck. Esme suppressed a gasp. What was he doing?

She began to feel faint when he undid the first two buttons on his shirt, moving the fabric away from his throat.

"I've never showed anyone these before," Carlisle smiled absently, turning his head so she could see the bare skin of his neck.

Esme realized that there was a faint crescent shaped scar along the skin just above his jugular. It was the bite mark he had received that fateful night in London, and as much as she hated to imagine Carlisle writhing in pain, she knew that it was one of her favourite days in history – for if Carlisle had never been turned, Esme would have never been saved, and she would have never had the opportunity to fall in love with him.

Esme reached her hand out, gently touching the shape that was a shade paler than his ivory skin. She gasped as she touched his skin – the scar slightly cooler than the rest of his skin. There was something very important about this moment. Carlisle had never shown anyone these scars – that meant that he must have trusted her immensely. The thought of how comfortable he felt around her made her smile.

"Why do you hide your scars?" She asked.

"I am ashamed of them. They let people know that I am different – humans are terrified of different." He frowned.

"Never be afraid of your past, Carlisle, it has made you who you are today. I think they are beautiful scars." She admitted.

"You never cease to amaze me," he said quietly, gazing into her eyes.

"I'm not amazing, I'm a monster," she looked away.

"It was a mistake – something that was bound to happen sooner or later." He shrugged. "What amazed me was the fact you didn't kill that woman even though she was bleeding."

"Well...she reminded me of myself." She admitted. "Especially those last words..."

"Yes, a human's final words are quite significant."

"Carlisle?" She looked up at him from under her eyelashes.

"Yes?"

"What would have happened if you hadn't found me when you did? What if I hadn't tried to kill myself and you had found me when I was old aged and on my deathbed?"

"You were on your deathbed when I found you." He reminded.

"You know what I mean."

"To be honest, I'm not sure what I would have done." He frowned.

"Well, what if I had been in the place of that woman. What if that was the last time you would ever see me again – after that, I was gone for good – what would be the last thing you would say to me?"

"The last sentence?" He clarified.

"Yes."

"Truthfully?"

"Yes, of course." Esme nodded vigorously. If her heart had still been beating, she was sure it would be pounding like the hooves of a thousand horses.

"If I tell you, would you tell me what your last words to me would be?" He asked, smiling mischievously.

"Sure," she nodded.

Carlisle bit his lip, thinking. "I would say –"

"Goodbye, farewell, I bid adieu, something along those lines." Edward interrupted, striding into the room. Carlisle sighed, frowning. He quickly buttoned up the two buttons he had undone and tied his tie again. Esme threw a glare in the direction of the smirking boy. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I just wanted to let you know that it has begun to snow."

"Really?" Esme asked excitedly, forgetting all her frustrations with Edward for the moment and racing to the window.

Sure enough, white flakes of snow were falling softly from the gray clouds above, covering the ground in a pure white blanket.

"What a wonderful time for a first snowfall." Carlisle mused, strolling over to stand at Esme's side.

"What do you mean?" Esme asked.

"Well, snow is pure and clean – it cleanses the soul. It is a wonderful time for a snowfall because that is exactly what we need. It means a new beginning – a fresh start. I believe that is all you need, Esme, to get past your sadness. The first snowfall of the year is always the calmest day of the year in my opinion." He whispered the words in her ears, his breath tickling her skin.

"You can see it better if you stand on the porch." Edward stated.

Esme followed Edward out of the room, Carlisle following close behind. They all stepped out onto the back porch, admiring the beautiful blizzard.

Edward leaped off the steps, spinning around, leaning his head back to catch a snowflake on his tongue.

Esme giggled as she watched the boy play around, feeling like a mother watching her son. She smiled at the thought – Edward did feel like her son in some ways.

Carlisle chuckled as he came to stand beside her.

"Do you hear that?" Carlisle asked her.

Esme listened, straining her ears. Surprisingly, she couldn't hear anything.

"I don't hear anything." She frowned.

"Exactly," she could hear the smile in his voice. "There's an atmosphere of silence that only a snowfall can bring forth. It's an absolute peace that falls with the snow – a noiseless landscape. It seems almost holy."

"Yes," Esme smiled.

"God is with you, if no one else is, Esme – have faith." He said passionately. "My faith was the only thing that got me through all those years of loneliness. God was with me during my time of need, and he will help you."

Esme didn't argue. At the moment, she needed something to believe in. She needed that faith to keep her going. A shiver ran down her spine and she rubbed her arms. It seemed impossible, but she felt cold.

Carlisle wrapped an arm around her, pulling her into his side. She was suddenly enveloped by his warmth, and she sighed in contentment, leaning her head against his shoulder.

For the first time in a while, she felt safe and warm as she stood under the roof of the porch, wrapped in Carlisle's arms as she watched her son enjoying the snow.

Carlisle was right, this was exactly what she needed – a fresh start, something to wash away all her sorrows and sadness – she had needed this cleansing, this peace, this noiseless tranquil. She knew that this was a new beginning.

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><p><strong>They're getting closer to telling each other how they feel! I think Esme needed that conversation with Carlisle to help her feel better. Let me know what you think and I'll see you next week with a special Christmas chapter! <strong>


	15. The History of Mistletoe

**I apologize in advance for Carlisle sounding like a walking textbook (hey, if I lived as long as he did, I'd probably sound like one too). For some reason, I started to picture Carlisle like Bing Crosby towards the end - and I can't seem to shake that image - maybe it was because I was watching _Holiday Inn _as I was writing the last few pages. I wanted to include _White Christmas _somewhere too, but alas, the song wasn't written until the forties (I feel like the only teenager who watches black and white movies and listens to music from that time). Also, listening to the song _Margie _by Eddie Cantor might help for this chapter (the 1921 version) and the video of Bing Crosby singing _Just One More Chance_ (just to get a taste of how I've been picturing Carlisle lately ;)). Anyways, I'm babbling on here - please enjoy this chapter and have a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Fifteen:<strong>

**The History of Mistletoe**

The next morning had come in a blur. The three vampires had spent the night by the fire as the snow fell lightly outside, finally joking and enjoying each other's company, just like it had been a month ago. The only thing that had broken up their conversation had been the chime of the clock, signalling the morning.

Carlisle's head snapped up as the clock chimed nine times.

"Oh dear, I'm late." He frowned, before running upstairs, only to appear in the foyer a few minutes later.

Esme met him by the front door, watching him dawn his coat in a flustered state, making sure all his supplies were in the black leather bag he kept by the door. His hands were moving too fast and if he wasn't careful, he would end up breaking something.

"Carlisle." Esme said calmly, smiling. He stopped everything he was doing and straightened, looking into her eyes. "Calm down." She stepped forward, reaching her hands up to smooth the collar of his shirt and coat, straightening his tie. "Would you want to begin your day in a panic?"

"No," he smiled sheepishly. His golden eyes smouldered as he gazed into her eyes, freezing her in her tracks. Time stood still, her hands slowly retreating from his tie.

Edward cleared his throat. He had probably snuck into the foyer when she had been unaware of everything other than Carlisle.

"Thank you," Carlisle said sincerely. "I will see you in a few hours. Take care."

"You too," Esme smiled as Carlisle stepped out into the cold, closing the door behind him.

Esme could hardly contain her happiness as she turned towards Edward, biting her lip to hide the grin that was forming on her lips.

"Glad to see that you're back to your smiling self." Edward smiled, leaning against the doorframe. "Good thing too because I need to ask you something."

"What is it?" She asked, suddenly worried.

"Relax," Edward reassured. "I just want to ask you if you can help me put up the Christmas decorations."

"Oh," Esme said. "Of course, I'd love to...how many days are there until Christmas?"

Edward smirked. "Three days. I'd poke fun at you for being so unobservant, but none of us have really talked about the holiday season lately."

Esme giggled and rolled her eyes. "All right, come on, let's get decorating."

Decorating the house took longer than they had planned. Esme had made sure to place everything perfectly, moving at a human speed. Poor Edward had been scolded countless times for being too careless; of course, he had smirked each time Esme had shaken her head.

The sun was setting when they finally finished – the garlands were tied to the banister, the stockings were hung over the fire...the only thing missing was a Christmas tree.

Esme frowned as she stared at the empty spot in the corner of the parlour; she sighed and folded her arms.

"Why don't we just chop one down from the yard?" Edward suggested as he entered the room, wiping the dust from his hands on his pants.

"Do we have any ornaments?"

"Yes, there's a whole box of different coloured bulbs and ribbons and such." Edward brightened. He turned his head away and froze for a few seconds, his eyes narrowing. "I'll, uh, go get that box."

Edward excused himself, leaving Esme feeling that he was up to something. She sighed again and sat down, watching the snow fall outside. She couldn't help but smile as she saw the white flakes fall to the ground.

The front door opened, letting in a gust of cold air. If Esme had been happy before, she was ecstatic now that Carlisle was home. She got up and went to meet him in the foyer, giggling when he shivered, an unnecessary "burr" slipping from his lips.

"Good evening," Carlisle smiled, his eyes crinkling.

"What are you hiding?" Esme asked, though his happiness was infectious.

"What makes you think I'm hiding something?" He chuckled.

"Well, are you?" She raised an eyebrow.

Carlisle didn't answer; instead, he reached into the closet and pulled out Esme's coat, handing it to her.

"Come with me." He smiled. "I thought you might need something."

"What is it?" Esme asked suspiciously.

"Just come with me." He nodded towards the door, holding out his hand.

Esme quickly dawned her jacket and pulled on her shoes before taking Carlisle's hand and following him outside.

"The other day, Edward told me he was thinking about cutting down one of the trees in our yard to put inside, and since I thought that there was no point cutting down a beautiful tree here, I bought one on my way home." Carlisle explained as they walked towards the driveway, a large balsam tree was tied to the roof of his car.

"Oh Carlisle, you didn't have to do that." Esme exclaimed, leaning into his side.

"But I wanted to." He said sincerely. "This is the first time Edward has even wanted to participate in the holidays and I just want to make this Christmas as special as possible."

"That's very thoughtful of you." Esme smiled.

"Now, if I can just figure out how to get it inside." He murmured, tearing the ropes and sliding the tree off the roof.

"I think even a twig with a few needles would have sufficed," Edward laughed as he jumped off the porch, his eyes glowing, a grin glued on his face, "as long as we're all together."

Carlisle laughed. "And here I thought I was the sentimental one."

"I spent three years trying to ignore Christmas – it's rather tiring when the whole town is enjoying the holidays." Edward admitted, blowing on his hands as if to warm them.

"Well then, help me get the tree inside, son." Carlisle motioned him forward.

"All right then, father." Edward jogged over to the car and grabbed the tree, all but dragging it along the ground.

Carlisle grinned to himself as Edward addressed him as his father, his eyes sparkling.

"Well, don't just stand there." Edward's voice was muffled by the tree. "Can someone help me?"

"I think he can manage." Esme told Carlisle who chuckled.

"I'm sure he can." He held out his arm for her, bowing slightly. "Shall we?"

Esme giggled and curtsied before taking his arm. "Why of course, Doctor Cullen."

They followed Edward back into the house and tried to suppress their laughter as he feigned being out of breath as he set the tree down right where Esme had wanted it.

"Is it good there?" Edward asked, taking deep breaths and smoothing out his shirt.

"It's lovely, Edward." Esme appraised.

"Good, I'll go get the ornaments, then." Edward smiled cheekily before ducking out of the room.

Esme moved towards the window, pulling Carlisle along with her. She gazed at the light snow falling onto the yard, a blanket of white having formed on the grass.

"I hope the snow never stops." She smiled to herself. "It's so beautiful."

"Indeed." Carlisle agreed.

"How was your day?"

"Very enjoyable...it was less stressful than usual – a nice change. Everyone seems to be happy about the holidays, which makes their perspective on things more positive. It's rather refreshing...and I do enjoy being able to come home to a family."

"We have gotten rather close – all of us." Esme smiled.

"Yes, it's a blessing – one that I will never be able to thank God enough for."

"I thought we could use a little music, too." Edward said as he walked into the room, setting down a cardboard box as well as the gramophone he kept in his room. "Since I wanted to help you decorate the tree, I thought we could listen to records instead of having to play the piano for you." Edward's brow furrowed as he flipped through a stack of records he had brought down. "I suppose we should listen to Christmas carols."

He pulled a record out and placed it on the turntable, turning the crank at the side a few times before placing the needle on the black disc. There was a few seconds of scratchy silence before the music began, a female voice singing "_Silent Night". _

Edward smiled and opened the box, pulling out a few bulbs and beginning to decorate the tree. Carlisle and Esme grabbed their own share of ornaments and helped Edward. There was a happiness emanating from everyone that seemed to only come from the holidays.

Edward pulled out the final ornament as the flames in the fireplace were dying down. He smiled as he pulled out the little angel.

"You know, when I was human, my family had a star that we would put on top of the tree." Edward said. "You know, like the star that guided the wise men to Jesus."

"I bought this angel a few years before I moved to Chicago. I spent a month in England and I found it in a shop in London around Christmas. I'm ashamed to say that it has never been used."

"Would you like to do the honours?" Edward asked, handing the little angel to Carlisle.

"I would love to." Carlisle smiled.

He pulled a chair next to the tree and climbed up, placing the ornament on the highest branch that faced the ceiling.

"Our decorating is complete." Edward exclaimed before glancing at the clock, "And only two days to go."

"Maybe we should retire for the night." Carlisle suggested, running a hand through his hair.

"Oh, come on, Carlisle, don't be such a wet blanket." Edward sighed as he went over to the gramophone to change the record.

"Excuse me?" Carlisle asked.

"A wet blanket – a killjoy," Edward explained. "I was just going to put on a good song, too – Margie by Eddie Cantor, although I think I should change the lyrics slightly."

Carlisle raised an eyebrow; Edward's antics obviously making him stay in the room.

Esme took Carlisle's hand and they sat down as Edward changed the record, smiling when the song started to play. He hummed along happily and grinned when the chorus began.

"_My little Esme, I'm always thinking of you, Esme, I'll tell the world I love you. Don't forget your promise to me, 'cause I have bought the home and ring and everything for Esme, you've been my inspiration. Days are never blue. After all is said and done, really there is only one, oh, Esme, Esme, it's you." _Edward sang along, changing the words "Margie" to "Esme".

Esme giggled as Edward sang, resting her head on Carlisle's shoulder.

"You sing it now, Carlisle." Edward smiled cheekily.

"I can't sing." Carlisle smiled sheepishly, ducking his head. "Trust me."

"Sure you can." Edward said. "I'm sure Esme would love to hear you sing, too."

Carlisle glanced at Esme, a look of anxiety on his face. Esme couldn't help but laugh quietly, smiling in encouragement.

"I'd love to hear you sing." Esme looked up at him from under her eyelashes.

Carlisle sighed as Edward sang along with the chorus again.

"_My little Esme," _Edward began.

Carlisle closed his eyes and took a deep breath, squeezing her hand lightly.

"_I'm always thinking of you, Esme." _Carlisle sang along, clearly embarrassed. He looked at the floor and smiled to himself before turning his attention to her, looking into her eyes. "_I'll tell the world I love you. Don't forget your promise to me, 'cause I have bought the home and ring and everything for Esme, you've been my inspiration. Days are never blue. After all is said and done, really there is only one, oh, Esme, Esme, it's you."_

Edward and Esme broke out into applause, giggling and smiling as Carlisle stood and bowed, grinning like a fool.

Edward got up and walked over to the stack of records on the table. He put another record on and soon Tchaikovsky's Waltz of the Flowers began to play. Carlisle turned to Esme and held out his hand.

"May I have this dance?" He asked, bowing.

"Of course," Esme answered shyly, placing her hand in his. All of a sudden, her stomach twisted in knots and she felt nervous.

Edward threw a glance at her, silently telling her to calm down. She took a deep breath as she stood in front of Carlisle, trying to calm herself. Of course, all her efforts were tarnished as soon as his hand rested on the small of her back, making her gasp quietly. She automatically rested her free hand on his shoulder, her other hand intertwined in his. He was far too close.

"I'm not very good," Esme grimaced.

"We'll start off slow." Carlisle reassured.

Edward snickered from across the room, covering his mouth to muffle his laughter.

"Ready?" Carlisle asked. Esme nodded and took a deep breath. "And one-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three..." Carlisle counted quietly as they stepped forward and back, side to side, swinging and swaying as they waltzed in the dim light of the fire.

Esme bit her lip, hiding a smile as she watched Carlisle straighten his posture, raising his chin slightly and bringing their hands up to shoulder level. He reminded her of a prince, dancing with a very lucky woman at a ball. The only thing he was missing was his crown.

"You're a natural." Carlisle grinned. "The way you grimaced before made me think you had two left feet."

She rolled her eyes at his teasing, enjoying Carlisle's light-hearted manner. Edward joined them, pretending to waltz with an imaginary person.

As a new song began to play, Edward bowed at his imaginary partner and excused himself, tapping Carlisle on the shoulder.

"May I cut in?" He asked. "My partner would like to dance with you, as well."

Carlisle chuckled and shook his head, but stepped aside. He bowed towards Esme and smiled before going to stand in front of the fireplace. Edward twirled Esme under his arm before they began dancing.

"Carlisle, I don't see you dancing." Edward said, raising an eyebrow towards his father.

"She retired for the evening," Carlisle replied, playing along.

"I hope you let her down easy." Edward, surprisingly, kept a serious look on his face.

"Oh course, only as a gentleman would." Carlisle bowed his head. "I hope you weren't being less than a gentleman to her."

"Oh course not." Edward reassured.

Esme laughed at their antics, rolling her eyes. Edward stepped back and bowed, kissing her hand.

"I'm feeling rather tired myself, maybe we should relax awhile." Edward said, pretending to yawn.

Carlisle chuckled, strolling to Esme's side and wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Yes," Esme agreed. "Otherwise Christmas won't be any fun."

"Did you get us any presents?" Edward asked bluntly.

"I'm sure Saint Nicholas will give you more than enough." Carlisle replied.

Edward rolled his eyes but grinned, stoking the fire.

Esme could feel that this would be the first Christmas in a while that she would enjoy – a Christmas to remember.

Christmas Eve had always seemed magical to Esme as a child. There was something about the Eve before Christmas day that made it the most special time of year. All the anticipation of Christmas morning was at its peak the night before. She remembered faintly that she would spend the night with her entire family, spending time by the fire, opening a few presents so the children wouldn't go insane. She remembered the happiness, the cheerful, loving conversations. Her childhood had been the happiest time of her human life.

As she sat and thought about her childhood, she began to imagine knowing Carlisle as a child. Her daydreams blossomed quickly and soon she was imagining Carlisle as a child, playing with her outside in the snow as their parents spoke inside. The way things worked, their parents would have surely arranged a marriage between them as soon as they were old enough. That would have been Esme's ideal life.

It was eleven o'clock on Christmas Eve and Esme's excitement was growing with each tick of the clock. Edward played happily on his piano while Carlisle brooded over files in the parlour. Esme fussed over the nativity scene that she had just remembered to put out, trying to arrange the little figures just right. If there was one thing she wanted to change about the night, it was the fact that Carlisle had to go to work in an hour – the hospital had called him that day to tell him he needed to fill in for another doctor.

"What was Christmas like when you were a human, Carlisle?" She asked him as she finally placed the little statues exactly where she wanted them.

"Hmm, well, Christmas was actually banned in England in 1647 and the ban didn't end until 1660 with the Restoration of King Charles II." Carlisle explained. "As a child, I spent my Christmases in the church with my father. Occasionally I received a gift, but my Christmases were spent praying."

"Sometimes it's hard to remember that you came from a time of such upheaval and brutality." Esme sighed, "Especially since you're so compassionate."

"I believe that being born into a society like that helped me figure out who I wanted to be rather quickly." Carlisle frowned. "Even from a young age I knew I didn't want to be anything like my father. The punishments of crimes were so brutal that I began to feel terrible for all those who died. No one should be punished by being burned at the stake, no matter what they did. My compassion formed quickly because of what I saw."

"It is amazing how you learned to be kind on your own. You would think that being around such brutality would harden you and make you a bitter person...but to be able to ignore all that and become so kind, that's real strength and will."

"Thank you," Carlisle said humbly, smiling slightly before turning back to his paperwork.

Esme sighed and sat down in one of the armchairs, picking up a book that had been left on the table. The words held no interest to her as she pretended to read; what interested her was the fact that even when she thought she could see through Carlisle's calm mask, he suddenly became more distant.

Carlisle reached into his pocket and pulled out his pocket watch, frowning at the time.

"When do you have to leave?" Esme asked.

"Not for another forty minutes, but I should start getting ready now." He said absently, looking out the window. The snow had stopped but the ground was covered in a foot of snow.

"I must admit that I wanted all of us together when the clock struck twelve." Esme ducked her head, avoiding his gaze.

"I did, too." Carlisle admitted. "Believe me, Esme, tonight of all nights, I wanted to stay home."

"But you can't leave your patients." Esme finished for him before turning back to her book. Carlisle sighed but said no more. He left the room and Esme threw the book down, crossing her arms.

A few seconds later, she heard Edward walking across the tiles, trying to be as quiet as possible.

"What are you -?" Esme began but Edward quietly shushed her, holding a finger up to his lips.

_What are you doing, Edward? _Esme thought.

Edward smiled mischievously and pulled out the hand he had kept behind his back, opening his palm to show her what he held.

Esme covered her mouth to muffle a quiet gasp as she saw what was in his hand. There was a red ribbon tied around the plant – three green leaves and three red berries. Mistletoe.

Edward smirked at her reaction and shushed her again.

_Oh, Edward, why do you do this to me? You know Carlisle would never kiss me. _Esme frowned.

Edward just shrugged, as if to say "you never know" before hanging the sprig of mistletoe in the doorway. "It's worth a try," he whispered. "It is Christmas, after all – a time for miracles."

_I thought you didn't fully believe that I loved him. _Esme didn't risk speaking aloud just yet.

Edward sighed and looked around. He walked past Esme and picked up a piece of paper and a pen, scribbling quickly on the sheet before handing it to her.

_Esme,_

_You _do _still have quite a lot to learn about him, but at this point in time, I think there's no going back. After all, how long could an infatuation last? He needs someone in his life to help him out, and the only person who I think would be able to save him from going insane would be you. It's worth a try._

Esme sighed again, but inside, her stomach filled with butterflies. What if she finally kissed Carlisle tonight? Just the thought made her feel warm inside. It was all too easy to imagine his soft lips moving with hers as they kissed passionately under the mistletoe.

"You're welcome," Edward said before winking at her and going back to the music room.

As Carlisle's footsteps could be heard descending the stairs, Esme raced back to her armchair and quickly picked up her book again, pretending to read. Already, she was forming a plan in her head, trying to come up with ways to lure Carlisle under the mistletoe.

Her plans rendered unneeded as Carlisle leaned against the doorframe to the parlour without any word, unknowing that the little plant hung above him. His ignorance almost made Esme giggle, but she needed to stay composed so she wouldn't raise suspicion.

She smiled as she decided on how she would do this.

"Carlisle?" She called his attention. "How did these Christmas traditions start?"

"Which traditions?" He asked.

"Hmmm, like Santa Claus." She would work her way up so as not to give away anything.

"Well, it began in the fourth century with Saint Nicholas. He was a generous man and devoted to children. About eight hundred years after his death, Italian sailors apparently stole his remains and moved them to Italy, which increased his popularity throughout Europe. His kindness and generosity made people believe that he could perform miracles and he became very well known. His feast day was celebrated on December sixth and the day was marked by gift-giving and charity. His popularity decreased after the Reformation but the legend was kept alive in Holland. His name in Dutch was _Sint Nikolaas _which eventually transformed into _Sinterklaas. _Dutch colonists brought their traditions with them to America and that is where the Anglican name of Santa Claus emerged." He explained without any hesitation or pause to think of what he was going to say next.

Esme stared at him in awe. He could be talking about the soil and it would still sound interesting. She could listen to his voice all day and never grow tired of it.

"What about the Christmas tree?" She gestured to the large tree in the corner.

"In Germany in the sixteenth century, fir trees were decorated both indoors and out with apples, roses, gilded candies and coloured paper. In the middle ages, a fir tree hung with apples was used to symbolize the Garden of Eden in one of their plays. The play ended with the prophecy of a saviour coming. It is held that Protestant reformer Martin Luther first adorned trees with light. While coming home one December evening, the beauty of the stars shining through branches of a fir inspired him to recreate the effect by placing candles on the branches of a small fir tree inside his home. Queen Victoria's husband, Prince Albert, brought a tree from his native Germany and a news etching of their family gathered around a Christmas tree popularized the tradition throughout England. The Christmas tree began to become popular in the western world by the late nineteenth century."

"And stockings?" She asked, getting closer to her goal.

"According to legend," Carlisle chuckled, "a kindly nobleman grew despondent over the death of his beloved wife and foolishly squandered his fortune. This left his three young daughters without dowries and thus facing a life of spinsterhood. The generous Saint Nicholas, hearing of the girls' plight, set forth to help. Wishing to remain anonymous, he rode his white horse by the nobleman's house and threw three small pouches of gold coins down the chimney where they were fortuitously captured by the stockings the young women had hung by the fireplace to dry."

Esme got up from where she was sitting and joined him in the doorway, suddenly feeling nervous. If she had been human, her heart would have been pounding.

"How did the tradition of mistletoe come about?" She asked innocently. "I always found it odd as to why you kissed someone underneath a plant."

Carlisle swallowed but didn't question, he just explained everything she wanted to know.

"Mistletoe was used by Druid priests two hundred years before the birth of Christ in their winter celebrations. They revered the plant since it had no roots yet remained green during the cold months of winter. The ancient Celtics believed mistletoe to have magical healing powers and used it as an antidote for poison, infertility, and to ward off evil spirits. The plant was also seen as a symbol of peace, and it is said that among Romans, the enemies who met under mistletoe would lay down their weapons and embrace. Scandinavians associated the plant with Frigga, their goddess of love, and it may be from this that we derive the custom of kissing under the mistletoe." He cleared his throat, and put his hands in his pockets, continuing in a low voice. "Those who kissed under the mistletoe had the promise of happiness and good luck in the following year. A man and a woman who meet under a hanging mistletoe are obliged to kiss."

Esme took a deep breath and raised her eyes to look at the sprig hanging from the doorframe, knowing that Carlisle would follow her gaze.

When she turned her attention to him, she saw that his mouth was hanging open slightly, his eyes wide.

"Esme, I –" he stopped mid-sentence, gulping and looking incredibly nervous. "I can assure you, I wasn't, I mean, I didn't..." he stuttered along, not finishing his sentence.

"I know," Esme reassured him. "Edward put it there."

Carlisle laughed nervously, "Esme, you don't have to...kiss...me if you don't want to. I, uh..." Again, he trailed off, looking completely out of sorts.

"I wouldn't want to squander a year of happiness and good luck if I didn't follow with the tradition." She replied coolly.

"Oh, of course," He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again, taking a deep breath. His expressions were almost comical. He calmed himself quickly, however, and his lips formed into a smile, his eyes smouldering as he gazed down at her.

Esme's breathing became heavier as he stepped closer to her, leaning down slowly. She was paralyzed yet every nerve ending in her body seemed to come alive; her heart seemed to beat again – it seemed to be sending blood up to her cheeks. She knew this was all in her head, but it felt so _real. _It seemed _decades _later when Carlisle's forehead was almost touching hers...but then he stopped. He was just so _close _that is almost _hurt. _Anticipation boiled in her veins, her hands shaking as she intertwined her fingers with his.

His golden eyes burned into hers as their noses touched, and it was almost too much to bear. Esme wanted to close that inch of space and crash her lips onto his and it was quite a possibility...but she wanted this moment to be slow, blissful, perfect.

He stopped again, his eyes piercing her soul. In that moment – that one moment – she felt perfectly happy. She was overcome with emotion in that one gaze that came from his beautiful eyes. She had never felt love as strong as this – she had never felt connected to anyone like this.

Carlisle's fingers tightened around hers, his head turning slightly. Their lips almost touched...but then his face was suddenly gone. He was no longer about to kiss her lips, but was whispering in her ear.

"For good luck," he whispered passionately before his lips brushed the skin of her cheek. A fire exploded beneath her skin, her legs felt like wax as she smiled...but he wasn't done yet. He whispered in her other ear, "and happiness." He kissed her other cheek, the feeling of his lips on her skin feeling just as wonderful as the first time.

He pulled back suddenly, leaning back against the doorframe, his breathing heavy.

"My apologies," he murmured, closing his eyes briefly. "I'm afraid I must go...Merry Christmas, my dear Esme."

With that, he moved away, slipping his fingers out of hers and walking into the foyer. Esme leaned back against the wooden frame and caught her breath. Those moments with him under the mistletoe had without a doubt been the best moments of her life.

She felt faint and breathless, and with one final glance at Carlisle, she ducked out the back door, seeking some much needed fresh air.

She could hardly believe what happened as she danced down towards the lake, not caring if the snow soaked through her stockings as she travelled farther. She felt like singing and laughing and letting go of all her cares in the world. It was hard to believe that even a simple kiss on the cheek could bring forth so much joy and happiness. Esme could hardly wait until he returned from the hospital...maybe she could try and steal another kiss.

As she came to the edge of the lake, she sighed and sat down on the stone bench. She was filled to the brim with happiness...but something seemed to be missing. After all, she had wanted a...different kind of kiss. Her lips yearned for the sweet touch of his. She tried to be happy with what she had been given...and of course she wasn't complaining...but she longed for more.

In the silence of the night, she heard a pair of footsteps trudging through the snow, getting closer to her. She expected it to be Edward coming to tell her about how much of a genius he was for thinking of hanging up the mistletoe...but when she turned around, she saw that it was Carlisle walking towards her.

He had on his waist coat and trilby hat with his sport coat hanging open. He straightened his tie quickly before shoving his hands in his pockets.

"You're going to be late if you don't leave now," Esme warned him, confused as to why he hadn't left yet.

Carlisle didn't say anything as he came to stand beside her; leaning against a tree and gazing out onto the lake. He sighed, shaking his head slightly and chuckling to himself.

"You know, Esme, I believe you and I are a lot alike." Carlisle finally said, seeming to be speaking to the lake. He looked like an angel with the moonlight shining down on his ivory face. "We've both been through terrible things in life. I've gone through centuries of loneliness and you've gone through...many horrible things. We are broken people...but it takes two broken souls to make each other whole again."

Esme was only furthered confused by his words. What was he saying? It seemed so out of the blue. Had he finally gone mad? He smiled to himself and finally looked over at her.

"You remember when you asked me what I would say to you if I had found you dying, right?" He asked. Esme nodded, that nervous feeling in her stomach beginning to form again. "Well, I know what I would say."

He stood up straight and turned fully so that his shoulders were squared to her. He tipped his hat back and gave a youthful smile, taking a quick breath in.

"What would you say?" She prompted.

"Well, I would say," he paused again and swallowed, looking at the ground. "I would say," he looked up at her, gazing into her eyes. His golden orbs were absolutely shining with a certain emotion that Esme couldn't put her finger on. She stopped breathing all together, waiting for him to spit it out. "I would say that...I love you."

Esme was stunned, absolutely shocked at what he had just said. She almost laughed when she realized that he wasn't done speaking.

"I'd beg you not to leave me," he continued on quickly, words cascading out of his mouth like a waterfall, "because I _need _your presence to survive." He gently clutched her arms in his hands. "And after you had taken your last breath I would follow you to wherever it is that we go. I would _gladly _live the rest of eternity in the fiery pits of hell if it meant spending forever with you."

It took a few moments for Esme to get her bearings again, stuttering inaudible words before she was able to form a coherent thought.

"Y-you love me?" She choked out.

"I believe I'm falling in love with you, yes." He laughed light-heartedly, and Esme supposed it must have felt wonderful to get something like that off one's chest.

"That's, well that's impossible." Esme shook her head. "That just doesn't make any sense."

"Why not?" He asked incredulously.

"You're just saying that."

"Esme, I'm saying that because I sincerely mean that I never want you to leave my side. I've had to live alone for two hundred and fifty eight years. You don't know how much it kills me to be alone when I know that I can speak to you, _be _with you."

"Why would you love me?" She whispered.

Carlisle's smile was replaced with a frown. "Oh, Esme, how that wretched man has convinced you that you are unworthy of anyone. Esme, I could never imagine loving someone as much as I love you."

"No," the word was almost inaudible. "You can't love me. It's impossible."

This was a dream. She would wake up soon enough and continue on with her miserable life. Carlisle Cullen could never love her. He deserved someone far better.

"Why are you so afraid?" He asked her quietly.

"Because I love you," she burst out. "That's why I'm afraid. And in loving you, I have given you so much power – power to break my heart. Carlisle, my heart has already been through far too much, and if you were to do something to disrupt it again...I'm afraid to even imagine what would happen." She felt unbelievably lighter at the end of her confession, feeling like a grand load had been lifted off her chest.

Carlisle stared at her, his lips slowly forming into a smile. "You love me?" He asked incredulously. "Oh, Esme, I promise you, I would never do anything to hurt you." He told her passionately, never loosening his grip on her arms.

"How can I be sure? Everyone else has left me when I needed them."

Carlisle didn't answer her; instead, he leaned down, getting closer and closer until Esme had no hope of moving. She was paralyzed in Carlisle's arms, his face just mere centimetres from her face. Her breathing sped up until she feared that she would start hyperventilating.

"Just give me a chance," he said softly, his sweet breath blowing onto her face, stunning her.

Her eyes slipped shut as his lips touched hers softly, sending an explosion of electricity throughout her body. She was so surprised at the new sensation that her head jerked back an inch before she realized what she was doing and smiled sheepishly. He smirked lightly and closed the distance, kissing her again. His hands left her arms as he wrapped her in his warm embrace, her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer.

In that moment, she had never felt love more powerful or more potent. She had never felt any emotion as powerful as her love for Carlisle in that moment, and now that she knew that her feelings were returned, she was ecstatic. All his words sank in and she realized that what he had said was true. It was almost too good to be true.

His breath was sweet as she breathed it in, her lips moving in sync with his. She lost all train of thought, only focusing on the fact that she was kissing the man of her dreams. The one man she had been dreaming of kissing ever since she was sixteen.

It was all too soon when he pulled away, leaning his forehead against hers, his hat covering the tip of her head as well as his own.

Carlisle smiled that youthful smile again. "Believe me, on my honour, my heart is true to thee."

Esme felt a grin spread across her lips. "I believe you."

He pulled her close again, hugging her against him. He rested his chin on her shoulder as she was engulfed in his embrace.

"You know, I've never kissed anyone before." Carlisle laughed sheepishly.

"Ever?" She asked, pulling back to look into his eyes.

"Never," He said sincerely. "You're the first woman I ever loved and the only one I will ever love from now on."

"I thought you had to go to the hospital." Esme frowned, remembering their everyday life.

Carlisle took her hands in his as they sat down on the bench. "Well, I was about to leave...but something just didn't feel right. I sat in the car for a few minutes just thinking things over before I went back inside and called the hospital to tell them that I couldn't come in tonight. After that I looked for you."

"So, you're staying with us for Christmas?" Esme asked hopefully.

"I'm here all tonight and all tomorrow." He grinned.

Esme smiled, feeling absolutely content with everything. She leaned into Carlisle's side and looked up at the moon.

Something caught her eye as she looked up – something that was hanging from one of the branches above them. She squinted, looking closer, and laughed when she realized what it was.

"What is it, love?" Carlisle asked her, pulling her closer. Esme felt giddy as he called her "love", nearly forgetting what she had been laughing at before.

"Look at that branch up there." She pointed to the branch directly above them.

Carlisle looked up and laughed when he saw what was hanging on the limb.

"It seems Edward predicted the night perfectly." Carlisle murmured in her ear.

Hanging from the branch was a little sprig of mistletoe with a tiny red ribbon tied around it. Before they could say anything else, Edward began to play Christmas follies on the piano.

"Let's go inside and see." Carlisle suggested, taking her hand and leading her through the snow and back to the house.

They snuck inside and into the music room, quietly watching Edward as he played _Oh Holy Night. _

From somewhere in the house, a clock chimed twelve times and Esme smiled as she realized that it was Christmas.

Carlisle and Esme stood by Edward's side, each placing a hand on his shoulder. Edward smiled and glanced at Carlisle and then Esme.

"Father...Mother," Edward grinned. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, my dear boy," Carlisle smiled.

"Merry Christmas," Esme was on the verge of tears after hearing Edward address her as his mother. "Merry Christmas my wonderful son...and Merry Christmas my darling, Carlisle."

Carlisle smiled and kissed her cheek again, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close.

"Merry Christmas love," he whispered to her.

"Finally," Edward smirked. "I was beginning to wonder when you two were finally going to tell each other."

"You knew?" Carlisle and Esme asked him at the same time.

"Of course I knew how the other felt." Edward rolled his eyes. "Now, we should stay in here all night so Santa Claus can get to our tree."

The three of them laughed, all feeling jubilant and carefree.

This would be a Christmas for Esme to remember – one that she would know as the Christmas that changed everything. The Christmas that Carlisle Cullen and Esme Platt had finally found the courage to tell each other how they felt. And as Esme kissed Carlisle's cheek, she knew that there would be an eternity of Christmases with him by her side like this, filling her with joy with each glance and rendering her speechless with each kiss. And to think, all this had started when she had asked about the history of mistletoe.

* * *

><p><strong>And so our dear Doctor Cullen and Esme have finally admitted how they feel! I hope that lived up to your expectations. No, this won't be the end of the story, but I think maybe I'll spread out my updates a bit more to give me a bit more time to write - the reason I was updating so frequently was because I really wanted them to have their first kiss on Christmas and upload it on Christmas with enough chapters before so it didn't seem <em>too<em> sudden. Wow, I'm babbling a lot, aren't I? I must be so tired that I'm hyper. Please let me know what you thought and again - Happy Holidays!**


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